


Don't Come Looking for Me

by sundaze



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Long Lost Friends, M/M, Mystery, implied sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-16 12:51:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 23,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9272591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sundaze/pseuds/sundaze
Summary: After Tyler Joseph's disappearance after his high school graduation ceremony in May of 2005, everyone in Tyler's life is left with the same questions: Where was Tyler? Is he dead? Is he alive? Why did he do this? Josh Dun, his best friend, is haunted by the vanishing act of his friend. After very few leads and no conclusion drawn to this mystery, Josh knows he can't dwell on this forever.Ten years pass. Josh, now 26, has moved out West to Los Angeles to pursue a career as an author on a blog that reviews up and coming bands in the Los Angeles area. Josh has moved on from the unsolved mystery of his friend, but sometimes, late at night when Josh is trying to sleep, questions still puzzle Josh: Where is he? Is he still alive? Will Josh ever see him again?





	1. Introduction

_March 14, 2005_

Josh Dun feels the same way about high school that the majority of teenagers feel: he hates it. He isn’t the most “popular kid” in his school, but he’s not the kid that has no friends and is shoved into lockers, either. He likes to think of himself as invisible in the school of 2,000 other kids: nobody really acknowledges his existence. He isn’t on every sports team (let alone _any_ ), he isn’t very involved in clubs and other after school activities, so really, he isn’t any kind of asset to the school. He sits in a classroom for 6 and half hours of his day, and then promptly leaves to go do whatever when the clock strikes 3:00 pm. However, unlike his friends—Tyler, Brendon, and Hayley—Josh doesn’t mind being imperceptible.

His three friends have spent most of their high school careers trying to find ways to stick out, for someone of the upper tiers of popularity to notice them. Hayley participated in every talent show, singing her own original songs since the fifth grade. Tyler carries his ukulele everywhere he goes everyday (although this makes him a little less unseen by others, he is seen as the weird kid more than the other three of his friends). And Brendon just likes to make a mockery of himself, hoping to get someone’s attention someday, but always failing. Although his friends can be quirky and stand out from blending in with the walls like Josh likes, he loves his friends anyway.

After three and a half years of waking up at 6:30 am every day, many miles “ran” around the gymnasium track, and endless amount of projects and homework assignments, the four friends were only five weeks away from graduating. Josh has been waiting for this moment for his entire school career, but now that it is almost here, it almost doesn’t feel like it’s real. Josh never really believed the people who told him that high school goes by fast, but it really did. It feels like just last week that Josh was sitting in his seventh grade homeroom class, hoping someone would decide to befriend him, which was when Tyler Joseph sat down beside him and did just what Josh wanted.

There was something about Tyler that made Josh like him ever since the first day they met. Yes, Tyler, Josh, Brendon and Hayley were all each other’s best friends, but Josh and Tyler had a special connection that no one else in the group of friends had. They had been friends the longest, since the first day of seventh grade. They had seen each other’s lowest and highest points in the last 6 years of their lives. They lived through each other’s “middle school emo phase” which only seemed to bring them closer. In the tenth grade, there was a rumor going around between the other “invisible kids” that they were gay for one another, which was totally false, but Josh only wished was true.

Although Josh did have a small crush on his friend, it passed once the rumors of them being gay for one another started spreading. He didn’t want anyone finding out that he did have a crush on his best friend and that getting back to Tyler somehow. Josh doesn’t know what he’d do if he lost Tyler as a friend. He is the one that Josh goes to for everything. Also, Josh knew that both of their catholic families might not be too pleased if they found out Josh had a crush on him.

Tyler and Josh waited outside of the cafeteria early the first morning of the fourth and final quarter of high school for their friends to arrive. Tyler had his headphones plugged into his laptop that was resting in his lap; his black ukulele bag besides him leaned against the paint chipped wall. By the way his eyes moved right to left across the screen, Josh knew he was reading something. Probably something from his online current events website he was always reading. Josh, who was sitting on a chair slightly in front of Tyler, stuck his leg out to gently kick his friend to get his attention.

Tyler looked up from the screen to Josh motioning for Tyler to take off his headphones, which he obeyed. “Isn’t it crazy that this is our last first day of the last quarter of high school?” Josh beamed, trying to get a conversation going between the two of them, although Josh knew this was going to be almost impossible since Tyler doesn’t fully wake up until about noon.

“Yeah, it is.” Tyler replied simply, his eyes darting across the screen still.

Josh bit his lip and moved from his seat from the cheap plastic chair onto the floor besides Tyler. “What are you reading?” Josh questioned, leaning in closer to see if he could pick up on any keywords.

Before he could even start reading a sentence, Tyler snapped his laptop shut and stow the electronic away in his back in one quick motion. “Nothing, just an article.”

“Well, what’s it about?” Josh pushed on, hoping to get some sort of answer from Tyler.

“Some kid went missing from his house in Powell last week.” Tyler stated, turning towards Josh who was listening intently. “Police have searched from his house all the way to Hartford. They haven’t found anything but a folder with nothing in it and his finger prints on it.”

“Whoa,” Josh awed. “His parents must be so worried about him.”

Tyler nodded and put his headphones into his backpack. “The article said that none of his friends or family noticed any weird behaviors with him. It’s almost like he just vanished into thin air.”

“One second he was here,” Josh commented, his voice low. “And the next he was gone.”

“Have you ever wanted to do that?” Tyler asks, looking over to Josh. Josh looks into Tyler’s eyes. The soft brown color reflects the shitty school lights above them, making his eyes almost seem to sparkle. “Just disappear one day without saying anything to anyone of where you’re going?”

Josh nods and looks down at his own hands. He’s thought about it a lot, and Tyler knows that he has. Just before the conversation goes any further, making Josh sink into a pit of bad thoughts, Brendon and Hayley come strutting over towards the pair sat on the floor. Tyler smiles brightly at the two of them.

*

_April 23, 2005_

Tyler laid on his back on the floor of Josh’s bedroom. Hayley on the bed besides Josh, and Brendon in the desk chair. Each of them were engrossed in something different on their laptops. Hayley was watching a new music video, Brendon was watching a movie, Josh was writing a history report, and Tyler was searching something on Google. Josh squinted his eyes to see if he could make out what Tyler was looking at one his screen. Eventually, Josh could see that it was a website of teens missing in the Ohio area.

“What’s with you and these missing teens lately?” Josh piped up, adjusting his position on the bed so he’d be comfier. Everyone in the room looked up from the illuminated screens and towards Tyler.

Tyler looked around the room at his friends and shrugged. “Fifteen teenagers have gone missing in the last two weeks, just in the Columbus area. I think it’s crazy how so many kids can go missing in such a short time span.”

“Should we be worried about you disappearing on us, Ty?” Brendon speaks, his eyes back to focusing on what is his computer screen.

Tyler doesn’t answer and this makes a knot in Josh’s stomach form.

After a few hours of quietly sitting in Josh’s room, Hayley and Brendon leave. Tyler begins packing his bag up soon after the two leave. “Hey, Tyler.” Josh says quietly, watching his friend slip his laptop into his backpack. Tyler looks towards his friend sitting on the bed his legs crossed, slightly leaning forwards. A lock of his natural brown hair falling in front of one of his eyes. “Can I ask you something?”

Tyler nodded and sat down on the foot of Josh’s bed. Josh sucked in a deep breath, looking right into Tyler’s eyes, trying to maybe see something deep inside of him. “Are you alright?”

Tyler chuckled at this and nodded again. “Of course I’m alright. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’re just kind of acting different.”

“Different how?” Tyler asked, adjusting in his spot.

“You’re being really quiet and distant and you’re really interested in those disappearing kids articles recently. I just want to make sure that you’re alright.”

Tyler smiles, slightly showing his white teeth. He stands to his feet and wraps his arms around Josh’s shoulders. Josh reciprocates the gesture, wrapping his arms around Tyler’s small waist, holding him close to his body. Tyler soon after embracing his friend, swiftly lets Josh go, grabs his bag and exits the room without another word.

*

_May 15, 2005  
Graduation Day_

Josh slightly ducked, covering his head as the graduation caps that were thrown fell down. The sound of parents and friends and family clapping and cheering for their loved ones was deafening, but one of the best sounds Josh has ever heard. Josh looked down at the piece of paper in his hands, signifying his completion of high school. It’s amazing to Josh that he’s actually done with high school forever; he is never going to be taking another class in high school ever again.

Once all of the students were out of the auditorium, Josh looked around for his friends. He quickly found Hayley and Brendon, giving both of them tight hugs. The three of them enthused about what had just happened, how the entire thing seemed like they were in a movie or something. After a few minutes of chatting with them, Josh started looking around for Tyler, who he had not seen since before the ceremony began.

“Hey, have you guys seen Tyler?” Josh asked, once the conversation at hand had died down a little bit.

“No. I thought he would have found us by now.” Hayley answers, standing on her toes to see over the crowd of people.

“Maybe he is with his parents.” Brendon suggests, leading the other two towards the doors that lead outside where all the parents wait for their child.

They didn’t have much time to search for their missing friend before they ran into their parents. They each spoke with their parents for some time before ensuing their search for Tyler.

“Where could he have gone?” Hayley asks as the trio makes their way towards the library, where Tyler spent a lot of his time during high school.

“Maybe he just left before saying anything to us.” Brendon added, turning the corner on the fourth floor.

“You’d think he’d come talk to us after graduating high school, though.” Hayley mentions.

Josh stayed quiet during the entire search to find Tyler. The group scoured the entire building for an hour after their graduation ceremony had ended, with no prevail. No sign of Tyler anywhere. The three of them headed out to the once full, now deserted parking lot. Each of their cell phones go off, making their own respective text notification tones. Josh, Hayley and Brendon all whip out their cell phones and read the text message that was sent in the group chat with the three of them and Tyler:

_“Don’t come looking for me”._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a long, pause over the phone, making Josh’s anxieties about the problem worse. Josh pulled the phone away from his face to see if his mother was still on the line. Eventually, she spoke. “They found something."

_Ten Years Later_

Josh finishes up the last sentence for his first band review for Up and Coming—LA. Before hitting the post button, Josh rereads his review of the band’s modern alternative music with a bit of 80s vides and their stage presence when he saw them last night at The Mint in West Hollywood, making sure that there are no spelling or grammatical errors. He doesn’t want to look like a dumbass on his first ever post. Sucking in a deep breath and letting his excitement get the best of him, Josh pushes the ‘post’ button on his computer screen and makes an excited squeak noise when he sees that the article has successfully been posted.

After Graduation night for Josh and his friends, Tyler was never seen again. Police spent a solid three months actively looking for Tyler, but no clues or anything of his whereabouts was found. Posters were hung up, television news stations were asking their viewers to report to the police if the boy has been seen, there was even an online article that went around about Tyler’s disappearance.  After those three months, police devoted less and less time to finding Tyler. The news stations stopped reporting to their viewers that Tyler was missing. Although the article was still posted, people stopped reading it. Josh tried to be understanding of why people started to stop trying to find him, but another part of Josh said ‘he’s got to be close. If they just put a little more effort in, they would find him’.

But, to no avail, Tyler was never found.

Josh, Brendon and Hayley spent their entire summer after graduating looking for Tyler, but when the time came, they all went off to college. Hayley went to Illinois State University, Brendon went to Pennsylvania State University, and Josh stayed in Columbus and went to Columbus State Community College. While both of his friends were off getting their bachelor’s, Josh decided to get his associates in journalism, so he was out of school two years ahead of his friends. Once he was out of school, he worked for a few newspaper companies, writing about local and national news stories every week. Josh worked for newspaper companies for four years. It wasn’t exactly what he wanted to be doing, but he was good with it until something better came up.

Josh was emailed about writing articles for Up and Coming—Columbus, an online blog that reviewed small, up and coming bands in different areas around America. The only two requirements were having a background in writing and an interest in finding new music; Josh had both. He responded to the email with his resume, a few samples of his writing from the newspaper and why he thinks the organization should hire him as a writer. The CEO of Up and Coming—Columbus responded to Josh’s email the next day, asking for an interview with Josh. After the interview, Josh was given a starting position as someone who listens to new bands in the Columbus area, and finds out when and where they will be playing a live show for an article writer to go and review. Josh had to continue to do the newspaper job on the side so he’d have enough to pay for his basic necessities, but he didn’t mind.

All during these new life changes, Josh kept thinking about Tyler. When he started working for Up and Coming, it had been six years since Tyler had disappeared. Everyone that wasn’t close to Tyler had probably forgotten about the vanishing of Tyler Joseph. The same missing person poster of Tyler stared Josh down as he walked into the supermarket, and every time, Josh read it.

 _Have You Seen This Person?_  
Tyler Joseph  
Date of Birth: December 1, 1988  
Age at missing date: 17 years old  
Sex: Male  
Missing since: May 15, 2005

Josh always tried to avoid looking at the haunting image of young Tyler smiling at him from the paper on the wall, but Josh still found himself staring at the poster and reading it. Josh had lost hope of finding Tyler three years after he had gone missing. He didn’t want to think he had died or been killed, but Josh was slowly coming to terms with that. He tried to not think about the possible unfortunate fate for his best friend.

Even though as time went on it got easier dealing with the unknown whereabouts of his friend, the late night hours when Josh found it hard to sleep were the hardest on him. He would stare at the picture of himself and Tyler he has placed on his nightstand. The picture was of the two of them at their first concert, an Oasis concert.

It was during their sophomore year in high school, two years before Tyler was never seen again. Josh was offered the tickets by his aunt, and even though he didn’t really like Oasis, he wanted to experience what a concert was like. He naturally took Tyler along with him. There weren’t many people, since it was an intimate concert, but the buzz of excitement and anticipation still ran through Josh. Tyler poked Josh in the back with the small digital camera he had brought along with him. Josh smiled, taking the device from Tyler’s hands, held it before them, and smiled. The flash went off and in an instant, the memory of the two of them going to their first concert was forever saved in a single photograph.

Since Tyler had gone missing, Josh tried to block out any memory of Tyler to keep himself from getting upset about it. He took down all of his pictures off of his Myspace page that had Tyler in it, he put all of the developed photos of him in a box underneath his bed, and he distanced himself from Tyler’s family, even though they were like Josh’s second family. He just didn’t want to deal with the pain of losing his best friend so suddenly.

Josh tried several times to get rid of the picture of them from the Oasis concert, but he couldn’t. Everything in that moment was just to perfect. Tyler, although his lips were puckered, was smiling big. His hair was a mess, his eyes were half shut and his fingers were forming a peace sign, but he still looked perfect to Josh. So, that was the one photo Josh kept of Tyler where others could see it.

During those late night hours, when Josh couldn’t settle down and sleep, he would look at the picture and remember all of the good times the two of them had together when Tyler was still here with him. He would think of the good times, and even the bad times they had. He would wonder what Tyler would be doing right now if he was still around. Would he have gone to college on the basketball scholarship like he wanted? Would he have stayed home and gone to community college like Josh? Josh would start wondering what Tyler is doing right now, if he wasn’t dead. Is he still in Ohio, or did he go somewhere far away? Was he making money so he could have a place to stay? Did he have a job wherever he was? All these questions Josh would never find the answer to.

The nights got easier to sleep through and the memories of Tyler soon became distant ones. Josh was offered a position as a writer for Up and Coming Los Angeles after four years of working with Up and Coming—Columbus, meaning he would have to move out to Los Angeles to review bands and then write about them. After much discussion with his family, many nights spent awake looking for small, one bedroom, affordable apartments in the Los Angeles area, Josh emailed the CEO of Up and Coming—LA telling him he would be on a flight to Los Angeles in a month.

Now, Josh was fully settled in his apartment in Los Angeles and has just written his first review for Up and Coming—LA. Josh was feeling really good about the way his life was going, even if he still had to work a second job to afford rent and food to eat. Thoughts of Tyler barely ever cross his mind.

*

Josh woke up early the next morning to read the comments on what people were saying on his review about VHS Collection. The review had gotten 20 responses since last night, all of them were good things, like how VHS Collection was definitely going to go places in the next few years, someone’s new favorite band, there was even a comment from the band themselves.

_VHS Collection commented: Thank you for the great review, Josh. Glad you enjoyed our show and we hope to see you at more in the future._

Josh didn’t expect this to happen, but reviewing the bands actually made Josh feel good about himself. Just by going out and watching this band preform live and then writing a review on it, he helped people find new music to listen to, and he made the band feel good about their music and what they are doing. This only made Josh more excited to write reviews on different bands.

Josh’s focus on the comment section of UAC—LA was broken when Josh got a call from his mother. “Hey, Mom!” Josh said cheerily, a smile plastered across his face.

“Hi honey,” Josh’s mom spoke. Her voice wasn’t the normal perky sound it usually it. It sounded slightly worried, but Josh tried to not think too much of that. “How’s it going?”

“Great. I wrote my first review last night and there are a bunch of comments saying how the band is their new favorite band and stuff. One of the comments was even from the band themselves!” Josh smiled even more as he enthused to his mother about his new position.

“That’s awesome, Josh.” His mother congratulated. “I’m really proud of you.”

“The first couple of nights out here were hard because I felt so alone without you or Dad or Jordan, but I’ve gotten used to the sounds.” Josh babbled, rereading all of the comments on the blog post. “I can’t wait for you guys to come and see my place and Los Angeles. The movies don’t really do it justice.”

“We can’t wait either. Hopefully we’ll be able to make it out there in a few months or less.” His mother’s voice was silvery but still with a hint of some underlying, negative sound.

“What’s wrong, Mom?” Josh asked, unable to not ignore his worried about his mother. He was always a Mama’s boy and will always be one.

“Oh, me? Nothing is wrong. Why do you ask?” She coughed out a fake laugh. Josh could see right through her, something was very wrong.

“No, something is wrong. I can tell by the way you choked out that laugh.” Josh closed his laptop and walked over to the bay window in the middle of the living room.

“Don’t worry about it, Josh. Really, it can wait.”

“So there is something?” Josh responds, trying not to get too worried.

His mother sighs loudly and hesitates before speaking again. “I don’t want to ruin your mood.” She says quietly.

“Mom, just tell me. I’m going to find out eventually anyway.”

There was a long, pause over the phone, making Josh’s anxieties about the problem worse. Josh pulled the phone away from his face to see if his mother was still on the line. Eventually, she spoke. “They found something.”

Josh felt his heart jump up to his throat. All the heat left his body and he tried to refrain his hands from shaking. “Who found what?” Was all Josh being able to say. He felt like he swallowed a rock.

“The police. They found an empty ukulele bag with Tyler’s finger prints on it in the woods in the North Bend.” Josh mother solemnly spoke.

“The North Bend?” Josh asked, his voice dead as he played with a loose string on his t-shirt. “T-that’s over a hundred miles away? Are they sure it’s his?”

“His fingerprints were on it, sweetie.” His mother’s voice, now less nervous, but was soft and gentle. “They’re searching the area around the North Bend and into Northern Kentucky and Eastern Indiana.”

“Blood?”

“No, no blood. But like I said, they’re searching that area. Probably for a body at this point.”

Josh was silent. He didn’t know what to say. No words were fitting for this situation. What do you even say when your best friend has been missing and police find something valuable to him ten years later?

“Maybe you should call the Josephs.” Josh’s mom suggested after about thirty seconds of silence. “I know I would have wanted to hear from Tyler if the roles were reversed.”

“Well, they’re not reversed, Mom. They’re the way they are and we can’t change. Nothing will change it. Not starting another search for him, not finding his ukulele bag, and not a phone call.” Josh snapped, his fists balled at his sides.

“Honey,” His mom’s voice growing even more gentler. Josh didn’t think that was possible. “I’m not saying a phone call will change what’s happened. But you haven’t talked to them since before you started college. You should talk to them and see how they’re doing.”

“I can’t mom. I don’t want to open that wound on myself back up.” Josh sneered. Before Josh’s mom could get another word in, Josh spat: “I gotta go mom. Thanks for updating me. Love you.” He hung up the phone and threw it onto the nearby couch.

Josh’s mind was racing and thinking a hundred words a second. How was the bag even found? How did his ukulele bag get a hundred plus miles away from Columbus? Was he alone? Where was he going?

After standing in the center of his living room for several moments, Josh went back over to his computer and opened it up. In the same tab as his band review, he Types in “Tyler Joseph Columbus, OH 2015” and hits the enter button. When the search was finished loading, Google reported about 29,932 articles relating to this search. The first five listed were from years ago. The sixth one was dated September 18, 2015. Two days ago. Josh clicked on this link and impatiently waited for it to load.

The same image of Tyler used for the missing person sign in the grocery store flashed up. The headline read: _The 10 Year Long Search of Tyler Joseph Finally has a Clue_. Josh skimmed through the article quick; it wasn’t long, three short paragraphs. The first one describing when Tyler went missing. The second about what the police had obtained and how so. The third stating that if there is any information, please contact Columbus, Ohio police.

Josh skipped back to the second paragraph and read it again.

_Three days ago, two hikers called in to the North Bend police department of an ukulele bag found just off of the trail. The couple told news sources that they saw the object sticking out from under the leaves and thought it was suspicious to be out there, so far away from society. When the police arrived, they pulled the bag out from the pile of leaves and went through it, finding nothing but a tag with ‘Property of Tyler Joseph’ written on it. North Bend and Columbus police are starting the search again for the boy, dead or alive, in the North Bend area and surrounding areas of Indiana and Kentucky._

The words “dead or alive” stuck out to Josh. The idea of Tyler still being alive had never really crossed Josh’s mind in the past couple of years. But, he supposed it could be a possibility.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are two links to VHS Collection songs (Yes it is a real band; they're from NYC, not LA but I needed it to work for the storyline):  
> Lean - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZQiIi7DggY  
> Late Night (It's Okay) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjT9iO-VTcQ
> 
> They did a Donald Trump remix called "Grab Them by the Pussy" so they're really amazing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You'll never change what's been and gone 'cause all of the stars are fading away. Just try not to worry, you'll see them some day".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read the notes at the end and answer the questions I asked! It would be helpful!! :~)

Josh sat on his bed with his legs crossed and his arms resting on his knees. His cell phone placed in front of him on the bed. Josh rubbed his hands against his face, nervous knots forming in the pit of his stomach. He didn’t want to make the call, but he knew he should. He would rather be doing anything else rather than sitting on his bed, staring at his cell phone, working up the courage to just make a phone call.

Finally, Josh picks the phone up and dials the number his mother had texted to him. Josh tapped his fingers against his shin as the dial tone rang in Josh’s ear. He thought maybe he should just hang up, but then the phone on the other end was answered, and Josh felt like he might puke.

“Hello?” A woman spoke. Her voice was soft and brittle, not the same voice Josh remembered.

“Hi, is this Kelly Joseph?” Josh could tell his voice sounded shaky. He took a deep breath, he needed to calm down.

“This is her.” Her voice perked up immediately, and Josh felt a wave a remorse wash over him. She thinks it’s someone reporting something about Tyler.

“This is Josh.” Josh stated. “Joshua Dun?”

“Oh, my,” Kelly gasped. Josh tried to keep his heart rate low. “I never thought I’d hear that name again.” She let out a shallow laugh.

“I never thought I’d hear yours again either.” Josh commented and looked out his bedroom window. “How are things?” Josh kicked himself for asking that.

Kelly didn’t answer for a moment. The question hung awkwardly in the air 2,000 miles between them. “I’m here,” She laughed again, but this laugh seemed empty. “How have you been?”

“Oh, I’ve actually been good.” Josh said, looking back down to the bed he sat upon. “I went to college and got my degree in journalism and I just recently moved out to LA to write blogs about small bands I go to see play live.”

“Wow, Josh. That is amazing. I’m happy for you.” Josh could hear the smile in her voice, but he knows it’s not the same smile he knew ten years ago. “Are you liking it out West?”

“Yeah, I am. It’s a lot different than Columbus. It’s sunny and warm every day.” Josh humorlessly laughed.

Kelly, mimicking his laugh, sighed wistfully. “I bet it is.”

There was another long, painful silence. In those few quiet moments—which felt like hours to Josh—Josh wishes he had never called Tyler’s mom. He wishes he had gotten out of his apartment and done something else to distract himself from the long overdue phone call. Unfortunately, to Josh’s dismay, here he sat: on his bed listening to the dead air on the phone as he tries to talk to his missing (former?) best friend’s mother whom he ignored for ten years.

“Are you holding up well?” Kelly finally speaks, breaking the silence. “Without Tyler, I mean.”

“Yeah, I am. I wasn’t at first, but I guess time heals all wounds.” Josh thinks he can hear Kelly’s heart break even more, if that’s possible. If there was a list of what not to say to grieving mother’s whose sons ran away from home, that would be at the top of the list. _Why did I say that?_ Josh thinks to himself. “The more important question is if you and your family are.”

“Every day is different for everyone. Some days I am alright, and then the next I could be anguished and bedridden for a week with sadness. But not a day goes by where I don’t think of him.”

“How’s the rest of the family?” Josh asks, trying to keep the conversation from lulling again.

“Okay. The same for them, some days are better than other days. Madison went off to school a few weeks ago actually.” Kelly comments. Josh can tell that she is trying to change the subject.

“Holy shit—“ Josh throws his hand over his mouth. “I’m sorry, Mrs. J. That slipped.”

Kelly laughs, a real laugh this time. One that bring back a hundred memories. “Don’t worry about it, Josh.”

“The last time I saw Madd she was 8, I think. Where did she go to for school?”

“Boston College.”

“No shit!” Josh exclaimed, immediately covering his mouth again. “Slipped, again.”

Kelly laughed again and Josh just knew she was probably rolling her eyes. “I know. She became quite the nerd in high school. She was worried to go off to school, but she’s enjoying it.”

“What about Jay and Zack?”

“Zack is a material recording clerk for an office supply company and Jay is in his Junior year of high school. He makes the high honor roll every quarter and he wants to go to Notre Dame after school.”

“Wow, that’s great. Everyone seems to be getting their lives together.” Josh says, his eyes following a speck of dust around his bedroom.

“Yeah, we all are. I just wish…” Kelly’s voice trails before the line goes quiet again.

Josh knows what she wanted to say.

_I just wish Tyler was here to see it. He’d be so proud of them._

Suddenly, Josh is overcome with this feeling of regret. He could have been there for the family. He could have watched Maddison go through high school and help her with all of the drama that comes along with it. He could have helped Jay with the classes he struggled in. He could have gotten closer to Zack. He could have been a support system for Kelly and Chris. Instead, he just distanced himself from them for his own selfish reasons.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Joseph.” Josh apologizes. “I should have been there for you and your family when you needed someone most.”

“Don’t, Josh.” Kelly asserted. “Don’t apologize. Losing Tyler was hard on everyone. We didn’t expect you to still be as close to us as you were when Tyler was around after he left.”

“I know,” Josh argues, his voice getting softer and softer every time he speaks. “But I could have at least popped in once in a while to say hello or whatever. I didn’t need to ignore you guys for ten years.”

“You dealt with this your way, we dealt with it our way. We understand that.”

There was another silence. This time, not as awkward or seeming as long. It was comforting. “I should probably go, Mrs. Joseph.”

“Thank you for calling, Josh.” Josh could hear the smile in her voice and he could picture it in his head. “I will hear from you again soon, right?”

“Of course, Mrs. Joseph.”

“Kelly.” She corrected. “You’re an adult now, Josh. Don’t be afraid to use my name.”

Josh chuckled to himself at the thought of calling Tyler’s mom by her first name. If this was ten years ago and Josh had called her anything but Mrs. Joseph, he wouldn’t have been allowed in Tyler’s house for a week. “It’s hard to break old habits.” Josh adds.

“Trust me, sweetie, I know it is.” There was another pause. Josh could have easily said his final goodbye and hung the phone up, but something kept him from doing that.

“Hey, Mrs. Josep—Kelly?” Josh asked, quickly correcting himself.

“Yes?”

“How do you deal with it?” Josh questioned vaguely. “I mean… how do you deal with not knowing anything about your son and wondering everyday if he’s alright?”

“Well, Josh,” She began. “I take advice from a band you and Tyler would play in his room almost every time you came over. ‘You'll never change what's been and gone 'cause all of the stars are fading away. Just try not to worry, you'll see them someday’.”

Josh smiled and rolled his eyes as Tyler’s mother quoted the song _Stop Crying Your Heart Out_ by Oasis. “I guess that makes sense.”

“Call soon, Josh.” Kelly spoke.

Josh nodded, although he knew she couldn’t see that. “I promise. Have a good night, Kelly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this chapter being kind of dry and short. I promise the next one will be better!!
> 
> ALSO I am thinking of starting a new story, but I need to know what people prefer. Would you rather read a story that was written in first person or third person? AND if the story was written in the point of view you DON'T favor, would you read it?
> 
> Please give me some answers on this! I want to write this particular story in first person, but I feel like a lot of people don't like first person and I know a few people I follow on tumblr won't read something written in first person. So I just need some other people's opinions on their POV preferences.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s crazy how much time goes by and you don’t even realize it.” Josh says, before there is another awkward pause in the conversation.

Josh awoke to the sound of his phone buzzing on the nightstand beside him. Groaning, he looked a little beyond where his phone laid at the clock. The red LED lights read 8:20 am. Who was texting Josh before noon on a Saturday? Josh lays back down and blindly searches for his phone on the table to his right. He wraps his fingers around it and lights the screen up. It’s a number that isn’t saved to Josh’s phone, but it’s a Columbus area code, so Josh must have known the texter at one point or another, right?

_Unknown Number: Hey there, Josh!_

For a split second, Josh thinks that its Tyler contacting him for the first time in ten years. But that idea is shot down when he begins thinking it through. How would Tyler get his number? Maybe he went home and his mom gave him his number, but Josh had only talked to Tyler’s mom yesterday. If he did come home, I don’t think he’d be so quick to text Josh. Also, why would he text Josh? Josh would be surprised if Tyler even remembers his name. That is if Tyler is alive.

_Josh: Who is this?_

_Unknown number: Oh, yeah you probably don’t have my number saved :’D It’s Hayley._

Josh smiles when he reads the name of the person on the other end. He can count on one hand the number of times Hayley and him have had a conversation in the last ten years since they left high school; and the last time they spoke to one another? Six years ago, maybe even more than that.

_Josh: Oh, hey Hayley. What’s up? How is your life going?_

_Hayley: Oh it’s going great! I got done with med school and I graduated last year and now I’m a pediatric oncologist at Akron Children’s Hospital_

(AN: For those who might not know, pediatric oncologist is a doctor for children with cancer)

_Josh: Really? That is so awesome, Hayley! Congratulations._

_Hayley: Thanks, Josh! I ran into Brendon at Walmart. He seems to be doing pretty good, he didn’t go into specifics of what he’s doing but he said he’s doing good. But then I got to thinking that maybe we should all meet up for lunch or something sometime soon? We haven’t all talked in so long._

_Josh: I would really love to, but I don’t live in Ohio anymore, actually. Hah. I moved out to Los Angeles a month or two ago for work._

A few minutes later, Josh’s phone begins ringing with Hayley’s number across the screen. “Hello?” Josh says, a smile stretching across his face as he answers the phone.

“What the heck are you doing all the way out West?” Hayley exclaims, laughing as she finishes speaking.

Josh follows suit and laughs along with her. “I got a job out here as someone who writes reviews for small up and coming bands.”

“That totally fits you, Josh.” Josh can hear the smile in Hayley’s voice. “Well, I really want to see you. How about I talk to Brendon and see if we can come to you and visit sometime soon. Maybe the end of next week?”

“Are you sure? I don’t want you guys making plans and stuff like that for me. I don’t know if I’ll have the money for a plane ticket to get home for thanksgiving, but I will for sure be home in December.”

“Don’t be silly!” Hayley chimed. “I’ve always wanted to go out there and be a tourist, anyway. It could be so much fun! I will talk to Brendon about it and text you later about what’s going on.”

“Alright, that works for me.” Josh smiles and rubs his face. Hayley is just as energetic as she was in high school.

“Go back to sleep. I’m sorry, I probably woke you up. What time is there? 9 am?”

“8:30, actually.” Josh corrects, chuckling to himself.

“Alright, dude. I’ll text you later when I get an answer from Brendon.” Hayley concludes.

They each say their goodbyes and hang the phone up. Josh puts the phone back onto the night stand and rolls over onto his side, falling back asleep shortly after.

*

Josh waits outside of baggage claim for his friends’ arrival. It’s been a little more than a week that Hayley and Brendon had made plans with Josh to come and visit him for a couple of days. Josh had spent that entire week cleaning his house and making sure there was enough space for everyone to have a spot to sleep; Josh was letting Hayley and Brendon crash in Josh’s bed and in the guest bed and he would just sleep on the couch for the three nights they would be here. Josh didn’t really mind much.

Josh’s eyes were glued to his phone when he was ambushed from behind. Thin, pale arms inked with tattoos slinked around his neck and pulled his body against their own. Josh laughed and turned around when the arms released Josh, engulfing Hayley in a big hug.

“Alright, my turn!” Brendon announced once Josh had let Hayley go. Josh laughed again and hugged Brendon. They were both practically strangers at this point in their lives, but Josh doesn’t feel like there has been any time when they weren’t best friends.

Josh let Brendon go and got a good look at the two of them for the first time. Hayley was still petite, but her hair was now blonde instead of the crazy colors she was dying it back in high school. It was weird to see her with a natural color in her hair. Even though it was pulled up into a bun atop her head, Josh could tell her hair was also cut short. Her face was makeup free and she seemed to be less pale than he remembered her. Tattoos decorated the soft skin on her arms. Josh wondered if there were any more hiding. All in all, she looked like she did back in high school, give or take a few things.

Brendon, on the other hand, looked like a whole new person. He ditched the boring buzz cut hair and now had hair that was quaffed, the same color remained. Although Brendon was still skinny, he was no longer lanky. His arms were toned and his shoulders were broader. Glasses no longer sat on the bridge of his nose either.

“You both look great.” Josh compliments after taking in their presence.

“No, _you_ look great.” Brendon corrected.

Hayley smiled and stood on her toes to pull at Josh’s dyed purple hair. “When did this come about, Dun?”

Josh laughed and ran his fingers through his hair. Why was he nervous? “I did it a couple of months before I moved out here. I needed a change and I didn’t want to do a boring blonde color.”

Hayley acted fake offended. “Are you calling me boring, Josh?” Hayley smiled. “Because before I had this hair, it was both pink and orange. I needed to change it for the job. Colored hair like that is ‘unprofessional’.” Hayley spoke, making air quotes around the word unprofessional.

Josh giggled and lead the other two over to the conveyor belt that would be bringing their luggage to them. As the three of them talked and joked, Josh felt like he was back in high school again; only with one less person.

*

The first day there, the friends didn’t do much of anything. Hayley and Brendon were jet lagged from traveling across time zones and going back three hours, so they spent the first day and night resting. When they awoke in the morning, the group ate breakfast and then got ready to go out to do touristy things like the Hollywood Walk of Fame, the Hollywood sign, Santa Monica Pier; everything everyone does when they come out to Los Angeles.

They all decided to have a late lunch. Josh took them to one of his favorite cafes along Venice beach. They sat outside on the patio overlooking the beach. “This is so cool.” Hayley smiles as the hostess sits them and hands them menus. “I feel like I’m in some sort of movie at this place. This is so cliché I love it.”

Josh smirks and they all sit in silence as they figure out what to eat. When they place their orders, they continue sitting in comfortable silence until Brendon broke the silence. “Did you hear what they found of Tyler’s last week?”

Hayley and Josh nodded in sync with one another. “Yeah. It’s crazy how they found that after so long.” Josh commented, sipping at his drink.

“I can’t believe it’s going to be eleven years in the spring.” Hayley says, her head turned towards the beach. “It feels like just yesterday that we were all sitting at our lunch table laughing our asses off about something.”

“So many things have happened in our lives since he’s been gone. I wish he was here to go through it with us.” Brendon adds, fiddling his thumbs.

“I talked to his mom the other night.” Josh remarks. Hayley and Brendon’s head both snap to Josh.

“You did?” Hayley asked, bewilderment in her voice. “About what?”

“Just about our lives since I last spoke to her. We didn’t talk much about Tyler; I was afraid to upset her. She already sounded very empty.”

There was another silence across the table, like Josh had just told them something so incredible they had no words for it. “Maddison went off to BC.” Josh stated after several quiet moments.

“Wow.” Hayley gasped.

“Wasn’t she only like ten when everything went down?” Brendon asked, looking between Hayley and Josh.

“Eight, I think.” Hayley replied.

“It’s crazy how much time goes by and you don’t even realize it.” Josh says, before there is another awkward pause in the conversation.

“Do you ever wonder what happened to him?” Brendon speaks softly, as if he’s speaking of something forbidden from being spoken of.

“I think he isn’t alive anymore.” Hayley simply states. “He left with only his ukulele and nothing else. No money. No clothes. Nothing. How would he have survived?”

“I think he’s still alive.” Josh announces, his eyes glued to people passing by on skateboards and bikes.

“Why do you think that?” Hayley asks.

Josh shrugs and looks back at his high school friends. “I don’t know why. I thought for a while that he might be dead, but when they found that bag, I started thinking otherwise.”

“How come?” Brendon questions, drinking his drink.

Josh hesitates, thinking of a way to phrase what he wanted to say. “It’s been ten years since he went missing. The bag wasn’t buried underneath years and years and years of leaves, trash, mud and other junk. It was covered by maybe a year and a half of fallen leaves.”

“Why does that equate with him being alive?” Brendon questioned, his brow furrowing together.

“Because the bag hasn’t been there that long, two years at most. Meaning he was in that area within that time frame.” Josh explained as he picked at his fingers nervously. “Also, he disappearance was planned out. He vanished right after graduation and the only thing missing was his ukulele. If he was kidnapped, he wouldn’t have grabbed his ukulele. Yeah, maybe since he lost his bag he has died. But, something inside me is telling me he is still out there somewhere.” Josh concludes.

No one says anything. Eventually, the food is broght to the table and the conversation is long forgotten.

*

Josh sat at the back of the small, run down bar with Hayley and Brendon on either side of him. Soon after they were done eating, Josh had gotten an email about a last minute show UAC—LA wanted him to go to and review. The band’s name was Waveform and Josh had no idea what to expect when they started playing. Was it going to be alternative music? Rap? Blues? Josh didn’t know. Luckily, Hayley and Brendon were down to going to see the band with Josh that night.

Josh watched as a couple people started setting up small amplifiers, a keyboard and two microphone stands. The lights were dim, and Josh couldn’t make out the peoples’ faces from how far back they were. Josh wasn’t sure whether the guys on stage were roadies of some sort or the band members.

One of them was a girl. Josh could tell that her hair was a light bleach blond color that was longer on the top and buzzed on the sides. Her face was all done up and she had one ear filled with piercings all the way up to her cartilage. She wore short denim shorts that were obviously once longer before she cut them herself and an old t-shirt that read Hole across the front. Josh assumed it was the band Hole.

The other person was a man. He wasn’t much taller than the girl and was also very skinny, borderline lanky. He wore a tank top with wide open sides, exposing much of his torso, and black skinny jeans. His hair was covered by a red beanie that was pulled down to cover half of his eyes.

The people setting up took their positions on the stage; the man behind the keyboard and one of the microphones and the girl behind the other mic. The man pressed keys on the keyboard, emitting an eerie sound from it. He then hit another button and more sounds started being heard before it was a huge mess of sounds that sounded really well together. The girl started singing, asking questions about being like her. There was a long pause between the first verses and the chorus that was saying something about running on gasoline.

Josh was enjoying the song, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of the man playing the keyboard. There was something about him that was really keeping Josh’s interest, but he wasn’t too sure what it was because nothing really stood out about the guy except the vibrant red beanie on his head partially covering his eyes. His fingers danced across the keys smoothly, never missing a single note, like he’s been playing this song for years.

The song soon ended and the band went right into another song that the girl was singing. This song, Josh concluded, was about her loving someone else but they can’t love her back because the other person was already in a relationship or something along those lines.

The girl sang most of the songs, while the man played keyboard and did backing vocals for some of the songs. Just as Josh began wondering if the man was going to be singing any songs, the band thanked everyone there for watching, said their name one last time and left the stage without another word.  


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Could you just sign this for me? I know this seems weird but have a collection of signed napkins from all the band members I meet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This would have been posted sooner but me and my sister contemplated the meaning of Taxi Cab after I got out of work. I hope everyone enjoys!

Hayley and Brendon left a few days after the Waveform performance. After the show, Josh had asked both of them if anything about the keyboardist stuck out to them for some reason, but they both said they didn’t notice anything. Josh tried not to think too much about it, but he couldn’t stop having his mind wander to the mysterious keyboardist.

He finally decided to go to another show of theirs, hoping to maybe see why he was so intrigued by the keyboardist. Josh google searched Waveform and waited for the results to load. The first link listed was one to their website: waveformband.com. Josh clicked it and the screen turned to an all-black background. White borders separated texts about things that were unrelated to each other. At the top of the page were four links: Home, about the band, music, and shows.  Before Josh clicked the link that brought him to the page that listed all their upcoming shows, he went to the about the band page.

There wasn’t much to this page. All it said was that the band is a small self-supporting band from the Los Angeles area formed three years ago. The members of the band were only known by A, who sang and played guitar and T, who sang, played keyboard, and bass. Below the short description of the band was a picture of the two. Both of their heads were down so their faces couldn’t be seen and their hands folded in front of them. Josh sighed and continued to the shows page

A very small list of different venues around Los Angeles appeared. They were having a show tonight at the same venue they played at the other day. Josh smiled, shut the laptop and started getting ready to go to the show, since it was in a couple of hours.

*

Josh got to the venue early. There were a few people hanging around at the bar and chattering, but aside from them and Josh, the place was empty. Josh made sure to get a spot that was closer to the front this time, so he could maybe get a better glimpse of the keyboardist, and maybe even pinpoint what was keeping Josh’s interest in him. Josh check the time on his phone, 8:30. The show wasn’t starting for another 45 minutes. Josh had hope that at least another group of people would show up for their show.

After a few minutes, two people Josh recognized as T and A came through the front door, made their way to the stage and began setting up for their set in thirty minutes. Josh watched the band carefully as they put the mics back in the same spots as the other night and the keyboard as well. The only difference was now there’s a guitar behind where the girl stands—Josh wasn’t too sure which one was A and which one was T.

Tonight, the girl was wearing black and white checkered dress with red and blue flowers randomly strewn across it. Her shoes were plain black flats, and her makeup was toned down a bit tonight. The man had on a black with pink flower patterns on it, giving Josh a Japanese feel. He had on a normal black t-shirt, black skinny jeans, bright red socks, and black sneakers. Instead of the red beanie, he wore a white pair of sunglasses to cover his eyes. _What was with this guy and not showing his eyes?_ Josh thought to himself, looking the man up and down.

As show time draws closer, Josh can feel the presence of more people gathering towards the stage. The man and woman both stand behind their mics and give one another a look before the same notes start playing Josh heard the other night. They started with the same song they began with the other night.

Josh wasn’t paying as much attention to the music this time, he was focused more on the man. He couldn’t take his eyes off of him. The man kept his head down and his fingers dancing across the keys. Even when the song ended and they moved into the next song, his head was down and his fingers hovering above the keys before he brings pushing them down. Maybe it was his stage presence that had Josh all caught up with this guy. The way he keeps his head tilted down towards the floor the entire show without ever once looking up.

The songs continued to be played. Josh recognized a few of them, but one or two he didn’t know. He remembered on the website that it said the man was also a singer, but did that just mean a backup singer to the girl? Josh hoped he wasn’t. He hoped he would start singing his own song sooner or later.

After thinking that thought, for the first time during the show, the man looked up from his keyboards and out to the thirty people surrounding the stage from behind his sunglasses, including Josh. There was something that made Josh feel nostalgic looking at him.

The man pulled a stool over towards him that was off to the side and he sat down on it and adjusted his microphone so it was at his eye level and he placed his hands on the keys of his keyboard. The man’s features were illuminated in the light shining down onto the stage: he had a strong jawline, like it could cut through a sheet of paper. He had a pointed nose and small lips, but it fit his face. His hair was brown and cut similar to his bandmates; short on the sides and long on top. The man slid the sunglasses off of his face and tossed them onto the floor, and rising his head again.

Was that… no it couldn’t be. There is no way that it’s Tyler Joseph standing on the stage in front of Josh two thousand miles away from home. There is just no way.

“How are you doing tonight?” The man asked, his voice low and deeper than Josh was anticipating.

There were a few claps or cheers from the crowd. Josh couldn’t get his eyes off of the man standing before him. This guy looked just like Tyler, except a bit older than the last time Tyler was seen.  Josh pushed these thoughts aside.

“We’ve been in this band for three years now, and I have only sung one other time on stage in front of an audience.” The man spoke, his eyes flickering to the ground, but he was fighting hard to keep his focus on the audience. “I get nervous in front of audiences, even small crowds like this, which I think is ironic that I am now in a band.”

The crowd laughs awkwardly. “But, I think I hate sharing my own creations more than I hate standing in front of people.” The guy hesitates, eyes locked on the ground and he smiles. “I’m just a walking oxymoron.”

This time, the crowd actually laughs. “Anyway,” The performer continues. “It takes a lot of courage for me to get on this stage and share my lyrics with everyone in this room and when I get nervous I tend to babble just like I am doing right now but I feel like I can trust you guys to not make fun of what I have to say.”

The man pauses for a moment before he starts speaking again, like a break in time in a book. “I had a friend one time, a long time ago, many many moons ago, who was my very best friend. However, I woke up one day and—even though I loved my best friend very dearly and I loved my family—I decided it wasn’t what I wanted. The life I was living wasn’t what I wanted to do. What did I want to do?” The man scoffs and raises his hands a bit, like he doesn’t know what’s going on. “I had no idea what I wanted to do, but I knew it wasn’t living in a dead end town, raising a family in that town in a house three minutes away from my parents and doing the same job every single day that I hated with every single fiber. I didn’t want to be the same guy that my neighbor was and his neighbor was and his neighbor was and his neighbor was. I wanted to be different from everyone in that town.

“So that’s what I did. I made myself different from everyone in that town by getting out of there as soon as I could and I started my own life in a-whole-nother city in another state. I started this band with a new friend and I made something of myself that I actually don’t despise. Do I miss my best friend? Of course. Every day. Would I go back and do anything I’ve done differently? Oh god, no.” The man paused again, his eyes scanning the crowd. Before he spoke again, he looked in Josh’s direction quickly and looked to the floor. “And that is what this song is about. It’s called Hometown.”

The man inhaled sharply and began pressing the keys down on his keyboard. He played for a bit before he brought his lips to the microphone. “Where we're from, there's no sun. Our hometown's in the dark. Where we're from, we're no one. Our hometown's in the dark. Our hometown's in the dark.” The man sang before pulling away from the mic.

As Josh listened, he concluded that this guy was a better singer than Josh thought he would be. Although his voice was obviously untrained, it sounded like no other singer’s voice in the world. His voice was his own and no one would be able to copy that.

Josh listened to the rest of the song until the man finished and the room erupted into applause. Well-deserved applause. Before the two got off the stage, they took a bow. The man looked right at Josh this time and the two made eye contact. They stood there staring at one another for a long moment before the man was escorted off the stage by his bandmate.

Josh quickly stood to his feet and made his way over to the two who stood close to one another talking about something inaudible to Josh. Josh stood behind the man and tapped his shoulder. He turned around and seemed to be startled by the person behind him. Nothing was said between them for a couple of moments. “Can I help you?” The man said. Josh couldn’t tell if he was being rude or if he was nervous. He was rather hard to read. “Do you want me to sign something?”

“No, I want you t—“ Josh stopped in the middle of talking. “Actually, yeah. I work for an online blog called Up and Coming and I saw your show here last week and loved it. Tonight was even better. And that story about your hometown was really relatable. I had a friend run away from home a while back and I never saw him again and after he left everything changed, not only in my life, but in everyone in his life’s lives changed too.” Josh could see either the confusion or the worry in the man’s face grow.

Josh did his best fake laugh and waved his hand. “But I am babbling on and on, now. Could you just…” Josh took the napkin he had stuffed away in his back pocket from the one drink he had and pushed it towards the man. “sign this for me? I know this seems weird but have a collection of signed napkins from all the band members I meet.”

The smaller man smiled uncomfortably and took the napkin from Josh’s hands, a sharpie from his back pocket, and leaned over a table and simply wrote a T on the napkin before he started to hand that back to him. “Could you just sign that to Josh? Sorry to be a bit fussy, but that’s what I ask all the band members to write on their napkins.”

The man, obviously growing more annoyed, nodded and leaned over the table again. He handed the marker to the girl who wrote an A. Josh could have done without her signature, but he didn’t complain. She handed him the napkin and smiled sweetly at him.

“Thank you both so much. I can’t wait to see you guys again soon.” Josh said before he walked from the pair and left the bar.

*

Back at his apartment, Josh pulled the napkin from his pocket and rushed to his bedroom. He threw his closet door open and took the box that contained all the photos he had of Tyler. He sat on his bedroom floor and quickly shuffled through the hundreds of pictures and memories they had together until he found what he was searching for.

He pulled the handwritten letter out from the bottom of the box and held the napkin besides the paper. When Josh scanned the paper and compared how the two ‘Josh’s were written, he couldn’t believe what had just happened.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You must really like our stuff to be back for a third night.” The girl mentions, looking between Josh and Tyler. 
> 
> Josh nods and sips his drink. “I love it!” Josh announces, hoping not to be so transparent so they both see through the semi-lie. “But tonight I actually came for your keyboardist.”

Recap: Back at his apartment, Josh pulled the napkin from his pocket and rushed to his bedroom. He threw his closet door open and took the box that contained all the photos he had of Tyler. He sat on his bedroom floor and quickly shuffled through the hundreds of pictures and memories they had together until he found what he was searching for.

He pulled the handwritten letter out from the bottom of the box and held the napkin besides the paper. When Josh scanned the paper and compared how the two ‘Josh’s were written, he couldn’t believe what had just happened.

**

Josh knows that the guy in this band is definitely Tyler. Without a doubt in his mind. A million thoughts are running through his head at this moment: _Holy shit, Tyler is alive! How could he run away from everyone like that? I can’t believe him. I’m so happy he is still alive. I could kill him I am so upset with him right now for running away and living a secret like._  Josh lies down on his bedroom floor and stares at the ceiling.

Josh isn’t sure of what he should be doing next. Should he just confront him in public, or should he try to get him alone and talk to him? Should he call Tyler’s mother and inform her of her son’s whereabouts? Should he just forget this ever happened and let Tyler live his life?

Josh decides the only good option for this situation is to confront Tyler in private. But how is he going to do that? Walking up to him after a show and asking to speak to him alone seems a little odd and he doesn’t want to make anything awkward. Maybe he could follow him to his place of living one day and just knock on his door. Josh actually laughs out loud at that one. There is no way he is going to stalk his former best friend.

Then the idea strikes him. He could flirt with Tyler one night after a show and then ask him out on a casual date or something. That could totally work. Josh gets off the floor and goes over to his computer. He reads on the website that the next show is on Wednesday night at a bar in Arcadia, which is just a short bus ride away. Josh shuts his laptop and rubs his eyes. He can’t believe he has to ask his long lost best friend on a date.

*

Josh stands at the back of the run down bar and watches the band preform for a third time in a month. If Josh was honest, he was getting sick of the songs. They only had about 12 and he’s already heard one of the songs at each show. Josh only hopes that he doesn’t have to come to another show, at least for a while.

The band comes off stage and Josh waits a few minutes before picking up the two drinks he set down on the table and walking over to the duo and clearing his throat. They both turn around and look at josh silently for a moment. “Hey!” The girl semi-shouts, pointing her finger at Josh. “You’re the napkin guy from the other night.”

Josh takes a moment to remember what she’s talking about before he chuckles. “I am napkin guy. But I am slightly offended you don’t remember my name.” Josh teases.

Before the girl can even get a thought into her head, “T” blurts out: “It’s Josh.” Josh looks over to the boy. Tonight he’s wearing a black button up, the same black skinny jeans, and the same black shoes. His face is soft and he sounds nervous. His eyes won’t look away from Josh. _Does he know it’s me?_ Josh wonders as he holds eye contact with Tyler.

“How did you remember that, T?” The girl asks, tapping Tyler on the bicep. The tap brings Tyler out of his trance and looking back at his bandmate.

“Oh,” Tyler chirps. “You know me. I have a pretty good memory.”

“T, you couldn’t even remember where you left your house keys this morning.” The girl jokes before she begins laughing a bit.

Tyler rolls his eyes and looks back at Josh. “What are you doing here again?” Tyler’s voice is thick and he sounds upset about something.

Josh smiles at him anyhow before handing him one of the drinks he bought five minutes before their set ended. “For you.” Josh says simply.

Tyler stares at the drink for a moment before taking it from Josh’s hand. “Thank you.” Tyler swirls the thin red stick around the glass before taking a small sip from the drink and cringing. _He must not drink much_ Josh thinks as he observes the younger man.

“You must really like our stuff to be back for a third night.” The girl mentions, looking between Josh and Tyler. Josh wonders if she knows that Tyler ran away from home ten years ago. He wonders if she knows anything about Tyler’s life before the age of seventeen.

Josh nods and sips his drink. “I love it!” Josh announces, hoping not to be so transparent so they both see through the semi-lie. “But tonight I actually came for your keyboardist.”

The girl smiles wide and turns to look at Tyler, who is furiously blushing. Even in the dim lighting, Josh could tell his cheeks were red. “I know you don’t really know you, but I think I’d like to get to know you more over drinks sometime soon?”

Tyler folded his arms and looked to the floor. It took a him a moment to look back up at Josh. “Make it dinner that you pay for and you have a deal.”

*

Josh took about two hours to get ready for his date with Tyler two nights later. Josh wasn’t really thinking about tonight as a date, because he had a feeling it wasn’t going to end well. He recited what he was going to say to Tyler a hundred times, he just hoped that he could keep himself from totally stumbling over his words as he talks to his best friend.

Josh stands outside of the restaurant they agreed to meet at, waiting for Tyler to arrive. It was only 6:45 when they agreed on the time 7 o’clock, so he wasn’t too worried about Tyler being late. Josh ran through what he was going to say to Tyler over and over as he stood by the door to the restaurant waiting for the younger me to show up. There was a knot in his stomach that wouldn’t leave. Josh was nervous. He didn’t want to offend Tyler or upset him, he just wanted to know why he did what he did.

A car door nearby shut and Josh looked from up off the ground and towards the sound of approaching footsteps. Tyler was wearing a red flannel with a green army jacket over it. And, of course, he was wearing his black skinny jeans, but he wore combat boots instead of his sneakers. Josh looked up at Tyler once he stopped in front of him. Tyler awkwardly smiled for a minute before sighing and shrugging his shoulders. “You found me.” Was all he said.

At that moment, everything Josh had planned out to say to him washed from his mind. Josh bit his lip hard and wrapped his arms tightly around Tyler, who returned the gesture. They stood like that for what felt like minutes. Eventually, Tyler broke away and stepped back from Josh.

Josh inhaled sharply and rubbed at his eyes. _Don’t cry_ he thought to himself. “I’m so happy you’re not dead.” Was all Josh could manage to speak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is on the short side and kinda dry. I have a lot more that will happen at Tyler and Josh's dinner, but I just wanted to get something up before I went to sleep.
> 
> Also, I started a new story called ""It"" and I am actually really excited about it. It would mean a lot to me if you gave it a shot and read it! Link ---> http://archiveofourown.org/works/9295631/chapters/21067472
> 
> I am loving all the feedback I am getting on this work. It really does help me motivate myself to write this story. Thank you all so much!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You should call your mom, Tyler. She’s worried about you still.”   
> Tyler doesn’t respond. He just smiles sweetly at Josh

Tyler and Josh sit at a booth at the diner restaurant. It was awkward, more awkward than Josh was anticipating. He thought after ten years of not talking to his suddenly missing best friend, they would both have a lot to say to one another, but they haven’t really spoken much since they were seated. Josh wasn’t too sure why the silence between them was so awkward and why he couldn’t thin k of anything to say to this... stranger.

Josh looks up from his glass of water to see the man sitting across from him has his arms folded onto the table and his chin resting on his forearms. His eyes look, tired or distracted, maybe even sad. “What did you do?” Josh asks finally, breaking the tension.

Tyler looks up at Josh, confused for a moment before he realizes Josh means what did he do after he ran away. “Not much. I from the start knew I couldn’t stay in Ohio or really any state surrounding it. So, made my way to Des Moines, Iowa and couch hoped for a while. I had a job at McDonald’s making like nine bucks an hour, working almost 45 hours a week. Eventually I was able to afford a shitty motel at $15 a night. I got tired of the city life, so I bought myself a tent and went out into the woods, and went back to the city whenever I needed food.” Tyler pauses and smiles wide before resting his forehead on his forearms. “I didn’t shower for a month and a half while I was doing that.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Josh said, waving his hands in front of him. “How did you get a job? They need your name and social for that, don’t they? Wouldn’t they have recognized you?”

Tyler smiles again and rolls his eyes. “I knew a guy that basically made me a false identity. Nobody even recognized me all the way out there.”

Josh nodded and let Tyler continue. “So I lived in the woods for a while, and by the time I needed another change, I had been gone for a year and a half or two years. After the woods, decided I need a real change in scenery, so I got my way up to Boston.”

“How the fuck did you get up to Boston from Iowa with no money?” Josh laughed.

Tyler smiled and shook his head. “I hitchhiked half of the way there. I had to go around Ohio, so once I got into Tennessee, I had enough money for a bus ticket.” Tyler looks out the window and sighs. “Boston was incredible. Like, I always knew it would probably be something so different from Columbus, but when I got there it was unbelievable.” Tyler turned back to face Josh. “It just had this old American feel to it and the people were incredible. Yeah, some are unfriendly and got too serious about their sports, but everyone I met had a lasting impression on me.” Tyler looked into his own hands, like he was watching his memories in his palms. “I seriously could have stayed there the rest of my life.”

Josh smiled and bit his lip anxiously. “Why’d you leave then?”

“I needed another change. I stayed in Boston for almost three years, dude.” Tyler giggled, looking up at his old friend. “It was amazing, but I had to get out and see other cities.”

“So, what did you do in Boston?” Josh asked, wrapping his hands around the cold glass of water.

“I stayed in homeless shelters mostly. They had showers and a bed for me to sleep in. I eventually, about three months after getting to Boston, I found a job as a medical secretary making good money, about $13 an hour working 45 hours a week. From the homeless shelter, I moved to a dumpy motel, paying $20 a night. I made a friend at the walk in I worked at. I told her that I was kicked out of my house and I needed somewhere to stay. She took me in to her place, when I agreed to pay her $200 a week for food, water and other junk. After taxes being taken out of my check and paying my rent, I had about $275 a week coming in, which I spent on nothing. I did nothing but work. I got a bank account and I started storing that money away. Before I knew it, I had been at this job for a year and I had a little over $13,000 in my savings account.”

“Wow,” Josh gasped. Josh didn’t even have $5,000 in his savings and he’s been having steady jobs.

“I know,” Tyler smiles, sipping his coffee before he speaks again. “So, I found a cheap one-bedroom apartment and walked to work every day, still saving most of my money. I did this for another year and a half and then I left for Newark, New Jersey. I took the train from Boston to Newark and at the train station in Newark, there was a man playing the keyboard for tips. I struck up a conversation with him and he had said he was dying of cancer and he had only two months left to live. He had been all over the country in the last year, when he learned he would be dying soon and he was playing his keyboard in all the train stations he went to. I told him that I used to play the ukulele when I was younger but since I started traveling I haven’t had the time to play.”

Tyler looked down at his hands, biting his lower lip. “Before I knew it, he was pushing me the keyboard and insisting I take it. He told me that he wasn’t going to need it when he passed, so he thought he might as well give it to someone who will use it.”

“So is that how you started playing keyboard?” Josh asked, Tyler nodded his head and smiled.

“I still use the keyboard that he gave me on stage.” Tyler commented, looking back at Josh.

“Did you stay in contact with him?”

Tyler shook his head and sighed. “No, I didn’t. I wanted to but I felt a little uncomfortable asking him for his address, but I know that he’s probably passed a while ago.” Tyler laughed. Josh could see in Tyler’s eyes that he was holding back tears. Tyler shook his head, smiling again. “So I stayed in Newark for a while, playing his keyboard in the train station. I met Ashley in the train station.”

“Ashley?” Josh questioned. Tyler hadn’t mentioned an Ashley yet.

“Oh, Ashley is my bandmate.” Tyler smiled. “We played train stations together, she sang and I played my keyboard and we did that for two years before we officially became a band and started booking gigs and stuff.”

Tyler makes eye contact with Josh, who has been staring at Tyler since they sat down. Tyler giggled and shrugged. “So, what’s been up with Joshua Dun?” Tyler sipped his coffee, keeping eye contact with Josh.

Josh smiled a little. “Not much. I went to college after graduation, I went to college and got my associate’s degree in journalism. I worked for a few newspapers and then I started working for a blog that reviewed up and coming bands around the Columbus area. Then I got a promotion to start writing for them but I had to move out here, so that’s what I did.”

“Boyfriends?” Tyler asked, smiling as the waitress refilled his cup with coffee.

Josh felt his face grow warmer as he chuckled. “Uh, a few here and there. Nothing serious though.”

“Hm,” Tyler hummed, sipping his coffee.

There was a long silence between the two boys. Josh stared at Tyler, still in disbelief that he was sitting just a few feet away from him. “Why did you leave?” Josh asked quietly, looking down into his almost empty water cup.

Tyler didn’t answer for a minute. He pulled at his hands and kept his eyes averted from Josh. “It wasn’t really because of any one thing or any specific person. I just needed a change. I didn’t want to become the person my mom wanted me to be.”

“What do you mean by that?” Josh inquired.

“I didn’t want to go to college and be in debt up to my knees. I wanted to find something that I loved on my own by trying different things out. I wanted to kind of figure myself out instead of being molded into the man everyone wanted me to be.” Tyler explained, still avoiding eye contact.

“You could have done that while staying in contact with everyone. You didn’t need to just vanish one day.”

Tyler shook his head and waved his hands in front of him. “I tried to explain this to my mom but she wouldn’t listen to me. She said that I needed to go to college and get a cookie cutter job and just be what she wanted me to be, not what I wanted to be.”

“Why did you never tell me?”

Tyler shrugged, looking up at his old friend for the first time. “I always felt like I was bothering you. I didn’t want to drag you down with my problems.”

Josh shook his head. He wanted to reach across the table and shake him, screaming “that what friends are for!” but he refrained himself and sighed a bit. “We were best friends, Tyler. You could have talked to me about it.”

Tyler shook his head, but he didn’t say anything else for a while.

“Maddison went off to Boston for school.” Josh simply states after a minute of silence.

Tyler bit his lip and looked down. “She’s already in college?”

Josh nodded. “She turned eighteen this year, Tyler. And Jay is in his junior year and planning on going to Notre Dame after high school.”

Tyler scoffed and shook his head. “I’ve missed so much.” Tyler whispered, but Josh wasn’t sure if it was meant to be said to Josh or himself.

“You should call your mom, Tyler. She’s worried about you still.”

Tyler doesn’t respond. He just smiles sweetly at Josh and put a ten-dollar bill on the table. “Come back to my place. Let’s talk there.” Tyler speaks before he stands and walks out of the small diner.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I had a lot going on the last few days and I wasn't really feel like writing a lot so I took a break. But i got TOP tickets which I am really excited about.
> 
> Thank you for reading and thanks for the wait!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You didn’t seem too wasted.” Tyler noted as he chewed his breakfast. “Well, you did start singing Wonderwall at one point during the night.”  
> Josh blushed and averted his eyes from Tyler’s. “That is my go to drunk song.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Implied sexual actions and alcohol TW

 Josh opens his eyes, the sun shining through the window and right into his eyes. Josh closes his eyes again and rolls over. When Josh opens his eyes again, he sees another person laying by his side and Josh notices they’re both shirtless. Josh furrows his eyebrows and looks around the room, taking everything in and realizing that this isn’t his bedroom. The room is a part of a studio apartment and the bed he is laying in is up on a loft. There is one wall constructed out of bricks and the other two walls are painted a gray-white color and there is nothing on the walls. In the corner of the room there is a black wardrobe with the door slightly opened.

Josh stares at the back of the person laying besides him and tries to remember what happened last night. Did he go to a bar? A club? Josh searches the deep recesses of his mind trying to recall what happened the previous night. He doesn’t even know who he’s lying beside or who’s bed he’s in. Josh looks over the shoulder of the stranger besides him and sees a few cans of beer and an empty bottle of red wine. Everything from last night comes back to him.

Josh looks over at a shirtless Tyler still fast asleep. Josh thinks for a minute, before deciding to slowly remove the blanket and trying to creep out of the bed. He gets both of his feet on the wood floor before Tyler stirs, rolling over and looking at Josh. Tyler rubs his eyes and smiles at Josh. “Where are you going?” Tyler mumbles sleepily.

“Uh, the bathroom.” Josh lies, standing up and laying the blanket back onto where he once laid.

Tyler nods and closes his eyes again. “What time is it?”

Josh looks around for a clock and sees an analog clock on the single brick wall. “Almost noon.”

Tyler groans and rolls back onto his back. “Should probably get up then.” Tyler sits up and puts his feet on the floor and Josh tries to avert his eyes from Tyler’s naked lower back. He quickly makes his way to the bathroom and locks the door behind him, wrapping his head around what happened last night. He knew one thing for sure: him and Tyler had sex last night.

Josh sat down on the closed toilet seat and put his head in his hands. He didn’t know if Tyler remembered or if he would even mention it. Should he mention it? Are they friends? Friends with benefits? One-night stand? Boyfriends? Josh breathed in heavily and sighed.

Apparently, he sighed loud enough for Tyler to hear, because there was a knock on the door and said: “Josh? Are you alright in there?”

Josh didn’t speak for a moment, until he swallowed hard and said: “Yeah. Just a little hung over.”

“Do you need or want anything?” Tyler spoke on the other side of the door.

“I think I’m alright. I’ll be out in a minute.”

Without anything other words shared between the two, Tyler went off to another part of the apartment.

Josh took another few moments to rinse his face with cold water and calm himself down. He dried his face off with a towel that was folded neatly on the shelf next to the sink and then left the bathroom to see Tyler standing in the kitchen at the toaster. He had thrown on a pair of boxers and a t-shirt

“Hey,” Tyler smiles. “I know you said you didn’t want anything, but I thought I’d make you some toast and give you ginger ale to, y’know, help you feel less hung over. If you want, I laid out some of my clothes out on my bed you can wear.”

Josh smiled and nodded. Josh took a moment to examine Tyler’s face and noticed all the difference that have come about since he’s last seen him. Everything seemed very similar, except his shoulders were a bit wider than they were years ago. He also, now, adorned a little scruff on the lower half of his face but he kept it short and neat. Everything else seemed to remain: tan skin, dark hair, dark eyes, same smile.

After staring at Tyler for a moment, Josh made his way upstairs, slipped into what Tyler had left on the bed for him and made his way back down the stairs where Tyler sat at the island with his own toast and coffee placed in front of him.

“How are you feeling?” Tyler asked as Josh sat in front of him.

“Alright,” Josh spoke as he sat on the bar stool. “You didn’t have to do this.”

Tyler shrugged and sipped his coffee. “Think of it me apologizing to you.”

“Apologizing?” Josh questioned before sipping his ginger ale.

“I accidentally got us drunk last night,” Tyler laughed. “Don’t you remember?”

Josh hesitated, and played dumb. “No, I don’t really remember much if I’m honest.”

Tyler smiled and took a bite of toast. “You didn’t seem too wasted.” Tyler noted as he chewed his breakfast. “Well, you did start singing Wonderwall at one point during the night.”

Josh blushed and averted his eyes from Tyler’s. “That is my go to drunk song.”

Tyler laughs and shakes his head. “I remember when we were in high school and we had gotten drunk for the first time. Do you remember that?”

Josh nodded and smiled as he thought about the past. He doesn’t do that very often anymore. “It was in my basement while my parents were upstairs. We found their mini fridge filled with wine and beer and vodka.”

Tyler began laughing harder as he spoke through hiccups of giggles. “We snuck past them and got up to your room and started playing the Oasis CD we bought at the concert a couple years before.”

“And then I began singing Wonderwall at the top of my lungs, until I accidentally kicked over the CD played and knocked it to the floor where is smashed into a million pieces.”

“You were the worst kind of drunk,” Tyler joked as he caught his breath from laughing. “How long were we grounded for? A month?”

“You were grounded for a month, I was grounded for a month and a half because I got drunk and broke the CD player.” Josh giggled. He can’t remember the last time he thought about the good memories in high school, because what happened at the end over shadowed everything.

“That was a great concert,” Tyler mentioned after a split moment of silence.

Josh nodded and looked out the large window overlooking a little bit of the city. “I hated Oasis before that concert. And then after it, something inside flipped and they weren’t just Oasis to me anymore.”

Tyler smiled and said nothing. He sipped his coffee and looked out the window along with Josh. “We slept together last night, didn’t we…” Josh asked, his voice trailing off at the end.

Tyler kept his gaze locked out the window, looking far off into the City of Angels. He was quiet for a few seconds. Josh could see a light blush finding its way onto Tyler’s cheeks. “Yeah, we did.” Tyler simply stated. He sounded far away and embarrassed.

Josh didn’t know what to say at this point. Does he drop the topic? Ask Tyler what they are? Should he ask Tyler if it was good? Josh wasn’t sure at all, so he just kept quiet and waited for Tyler to say something first.

“I had a crush on you in high school, you know.” Tyler broke in, his gaze finally back on the man across form him.

“You did?” Josh inquired, his eyebrows raising slightly.

Tyler nodded, sipping at his coffee again. “I had it for the longest time, but I was scared to admit it to myself that I might be gay so I just kind of ignored it. I pushed it down and down until one day I stopped thinking about it. But when we were about to graduate, it started coming back. I wanted to push it down and ignore it again, but it wouldn’t leave this time. Still not wanting to admit to myself that I was gay—“

“You ran away.” Josh butted in, finishing Tyler’s sentence.

Tyler nodded, but the shrugged. “Kind of. Part of the reason I left was because I didn’t want to see you getting girlfriends and whatnot while not being able to admit my feelings to myself. The other part was what I told you last night.”

Josh nodded and smiled a little bit. “Well, unlucky for you, I had a crush on you in high school too.”

Tyler looked up from his emptying coffee mug to look into Josh’s eyes. “You did?”

Josh nodded and waved his had a little bit. “It was during like sophomore year. I kind of did the same thing you did, ignored it. But mine never came back.” Josh paused. “Well, that is until I saw you at the bar up on stage.”

Tyler laughed, Josh could hint a bit of uncomfortableness in it. “Which time?

Josh smiled wider and rolled his eyes. “The second time.”

Tyler nodded his head. He looked at his phone clock. “Shit,” Tyler whispered under his breath. “I gotta get to practice in like a half hour.”

Josh nodded and stood from his chair. “I should get going anyway. I have a show I am going to tonight.” Josh looked over at Tyler who now stood over the sinking, placing the two plates and cups inside of it. “Are you busy tonight?”

Tyler looked over at Josh and smiled. “What time?”

“Ten.”

Tyler turned back to Josh, wiping his wet hands on his boxers and nodding. “Yeah, sure. Text me the address and I’ll meet you there.”

“I don’t have your number.” Josh said as Tyler made his way to the bathroom.

“I put it in your phone last night after you fell asleep.” Tyler smiled sickly sweet at Josh and shut the bathroom door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI everyone! If you're reading this while I am updating it, I am going back to school in a little less than two weeks. When I go back, I will continue writing and adding chapters, but I won't be updating almost every day like I do now. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hope you guys like it :~)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh wants to pull his eyes away from Tyler’s when he hears the first chords of the first song start, but he’s so lost in them that he can’t find a way out. Even in the dim club lights, they’re still shining bright and so filled with life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight sexual themes in this chapter!!

Josh sits at the bar of the small club, waiting for the band to come on stage. He had texted Tyler the address of the venue about twenty minutes ago. A slight nervousness of Tyler standing him up ran threw him. Josh would like to think that Tyler wouldn’t do that to him, but Tyler probably isn’t that same guy he was ten years ago. Josh bites his lip and tries to push away those thoughts.

Soon enough, there is another person that is sitting by Josh’s left. “Sorry I’m a little late,” Tyler says, placing his hands on the bar top. “Practice went a little longer than I intended it to be.”

Josh smiles and waves his hand. “It’s alright, no worries. You didn’t miss anything.”

Tyler giggles and looks up at the stage. “Who’s playing?”

“Uh, a band called Drops Moonlight.” Josh states, following Tyler’s eyes up to the stage where the band was getting ready to start.

Tyler nods and looks back at Josh. Josh connects his and Tyler’s eyes and smiles at him. Tyler’s smiles as well, but doesn’t take his eyes off of Josh’s. Josh wants to pull his eyes away from Tyler’s when he hears the first chords of the first song start, but he’s so lost in them that he can’t find a way out. Even in the dim club lights, they’re still shining bright and so filled with life. Josh begins wondering what those yes have seen. They’ve seen a majority of the country, was it all good things they witnessed or were there some bad times that they can’t seem to forget? Josh wants to know everything about Tyler’s experience going from Columbus to Los Angeles, the good and the bad.

Tyler giggles a bit when the have been holding each other’s eyes for more than three minutes, and Josh knows it’s been that long because the first song is ending and the band is already heading into song number two. Tyler is the one that breaks their eye contact. He turns his back to Josh so he can watch the stage. Josh blushes lightly and drives his focus away from the man by his side and to the stage.

The band plays a few songs that Josh has never heard before, and they’re actually really great. The band has a very original sound that is like nothing else Josh has ever heard before. Josh start thinking about what he is going to say in his review for this band just as they go into their sixth song. This one sounds vaguely familiar, like Josh has heard it just a few times before. Josh starts searching his memory for where he has heard this song before, because he knows it’s not an original song they are playing right now. Did they say they were going to cover a song?

“That’s my song.” Josh hears Tyler gawp over the loud guitars and vocals. Josh looks to Tyler. He is glowering and scratching at his thighs. “Those are my notes, my lyrics. That is _my_ song.”

Josh opens his mouth to say something, but Josh has no words to say. What is ‘I’m sorry’ going to do in this situation? Josh takes a minute before leaning to Tyler’s ear and saying, “Do you want to leave?’

Tyler doesn’t answer, he gets to his feet, still staring at the stage as the band continues playing out the song. Before Josh can even stand from his seat and begin gathering his belonging’s, Tyler is making his way to the front of the club, getting on the stage, and swiftly punching the singer in his jaw. Josh’s jaw drops as he watches Tyler pushing the guy to the dirty floor and jumping off the small stage and running back to Josh. Tyler grabs a gaping Josh’s hand and pulls him off his seat and out of the bar.

The two boys are running down the street lit sidewalks of Los Feliz, away from the bar. Josh is following Tyler, not too sure of where they are going or if anyone is even chasing after them. Josh thinks to look back, but he keeps his eyes trained on the slender man running just a little bit ahead of him. Josh can feel the adrenaline coursing through his entire body as his heart rate begins to pick up as his feet carry him further and further away from any familiarity of the neighborhood, but Josh doesn’t care. He is feeling like he is sixteen again.

Eventually, Tyler takes a turn down an alley and the pair stop running once they are hiding behind a dumpster. Josh and Tyler both struggle to catch their breaths in their crouched positions. “Wow, Josh.” Tyler laughs through struggled breathing. “You used to be the runner and I out ran you. Letting yourself go a bit?” Tyler beams at Josh, still trying to stabilize his breathing.

Josh rolls his eyes with a huge smile plastered on his face. Josh cups Tyler’s cheeks and connects their lips together. Josh can feel Tyler’s lips turning into a smile against his own lips as he puts his slightly shaking hands on Josh’s biceps. Josh deepens the kiss, sliding his tongue along Tyler’s lower lip. Tyler’s lips part, allowing Josh to slip his tongue into his mouth, which is what he does. Josh’s tongue explores the insides of Tyler’s mouth, and he can feel Tyler’s cheeks growing warm against the palms of his hands.

Tyler breaks the kiss for a moment, leading Josh to sitting on the dirty ground surroundings of the dumpster with his back against the back of the brick building. Tyler sits down on Josh’s lap, his legs on either side of Josh. Josh smiles as their lips touch again, Tyler’s lips parting so Josh can slip his tongue back in.  Josh puts his hands lightly on Tyler’s waist and starts grabbing at the fabric of his shirt. Tyler tangles his slender finger in the back of Josh’s hair, pulling ever so gently and emitting an almost silent moan from him.

Tyler presses their lips harder together and begins kissing Josh feverishly. Josh tries to ignore the tightness forming in his jeans before Tyler notices, but it’s too late. Tyler pulls away from Josh’s lips, leaving only a few centimeters between their lips, their noses and foreheads still pressed against one another. Smiling coyly, like he is plotting against someone, Tyler begins rolling his hips slightly, causing Josh’s dick to get harder. Josh throws his head back against the wall and laughs breathily, squeezing Tyler’s sides.

Tyler laughs along with Josh. He slips off of his lap and leans up against the wall besides Josh. Tyler digs around in his pocket for a moment before pulling out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Josh watches and tries not to think too much about it. “What was that at the club?” Josh asks, watching Tyler light the cigarette that is being held between his lips.

Tyler takes a drag and looks over to Josh. “He stole my music.” Tyler stated simply.

“So you meet up with him after the show and confront him about it, not punch him out and then splitting from the bar.” Josh retorts.

Tyler laughs again and shrugs. “Well, what’s done is done.” Tyler declares, taking one last hit off the cigarette before holding it out for Josh to take.

Josh shakes his head and watches Tyler place it back between his lips. “What is some bad things that happened while you were going across the country?” Josh questions, thinking back to the look in his eyes while they stared into one another’s eyes as the show started.

Tyler smirks a little and stares at the cement they sit upon. After blowing out a cloud of smoke, he says, “That is a story for another time.”

Josh doesn’t answer for a moment, he lets his words sink in and begins deciphering what he means. Will he actually tell him later, or is he just going to say that and never really ever tell him? Why won’t he just tell him now?

“You should call your parents, Ty.” Josh finally speaks after a prolonged silence. “Your mom still doesn’t sleep well at night she’s so worried.”

Tyler scoffs and flicks the ashes at the end of his cigarette to the ground. “You still talk to them?”

Josh nods a little. “Well, I didn’t after you left. But I called her a few weeks ago to see how things were.”

Tyler laughs a little bit again and shakes his head. “I’m all set.”

“All set?” Josh asks, raising his eyebrows.

“With her. Them. Everyone.” Tyler looks back at Josh and their eyes connect again. “I’m all set.”

Josh bites his lip and looks away. “At least call her mom.”

Tyler sighs and shakes his head again. “Why should I? So I can tell her what I’m doing and she can tell me I’m wasting my time?” Josh could tell that Tyler was getting frustrated with the conversation, but he wanted to know what was the problem with calling his mom.”

“All you have to say is that you’re alive.” Josh implored.

“I don’t even want her knowing that. I want her knowing nothing about me and my life.” Tyler asserted.

“I don’t understand, just tell her you’re alive and then hang the phone—“

“Because I don’t want her knowing I’m alive, okay?!” Tyler snaps, turning his whole body towards Josh. “I want her thinking that I have been murdered or I died or whatever, I don’t care. I don’t want her knowing I am alive. Alright?” Tyler ended.

Josh sat there in a stunned silence, not to sure what to say. Tyler grumbled something to himself and stood to his feet. “I have to go. I’ll talk to you soon.”

Josh couldn’t even get another word out before Tyler was making his way out of thee dark alley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for being patient with me. sorry I haven't updated this in a few days. I went to see twenty one pilots in Providence last night so I was busy all day!! 
> 
> Thank you for reading!! I hope it was worth the wait :D
> 
> (Also if you wanna follow me on twitter my name is @theskyistoo)  
> ((Also the show was amazing, as always))


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They may have also gone through three-fourths of a bottle of red wine, the only alcohol Josh had in his apartment. Josh had only a glass, maybe one and a half. Tyler, on the other hand, had three and was about to finish his fourth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a super fluffy filler chapter.

Josh didn’t hear from Tyler for the next few days. He knew that he probably shouldn’t have pushed Tyler so hard towards calling his mom. All Josh wanted was to understand why Tyler was so adamantly against calling his mother just so she can be aware that he is alive and safe.  Josh knew that Tyler had told him that she was controlling Tyler and Tyler didn’t like that, but Josh had a feeling there was something else behind the reason why he refused to call his family.

Finally, after not hearing from Tyler for a week, Josh presses the phone icon next to Tyler’s name in his contact list. When the line rings for a while, Josh begins thinking that maybe he won’t answer and that he’s lost Tyler again. Before he can get overwhelmed with those feelings, the other phone is picked up. “Hello?” Tyler says after a brief moment of silence.

“Hey,” Josh exhales and smiles a little when he hears Tyler’s voice.

The line goes quiet for a moment, like Tyler is contemplating saying something back or just hanging up the phone. “Hi.”

“I haven’t heard from you in a few days,” Josh mumbles a little bit, pulling at a loose string on his shirt. “I got scared you’d disappear on me again.”

“I wouldn’t,” Tyler sighs. “I was just upset that you were pushing me so hard into calling my mom.”

“I know, I know, and I’m sorry about that.” Josh explains.

“It’s fine. It’s just… it’s a sensitive topic.”

“I get that. Would you be able to come over tonight? I have like a million movies recorded that I need to watch because they’re taking up space on my DVR.” Josh invited.

“Yeah, of course.” Josh could almost hear Tyler’s smile in his voice.

*

It was two thirty in the morning quicker than Josh had realized. Both him and Tyler had been sat on the couch for almost five hours now. They hadn’t actually watched anything that was recorded on Josh’s DVR, but they had watched 6 and a half episodes of the CNN documentary series _The Eighties_ on Netflix. They may have also gone through three-fourths of a bottle of red wine, the only alcohol Josh had in his apartment. Josh had only a glass, maybe one and a half. Tyler, on the other hand, had three and was about to finish his fourth.

Tyler had been quiet most of the night while the documentary proceeded, but when the episode about music had started playing, Tyler wouldn’t shut up. The show started talking about The Cure, and Tyler broke out into a giggle fit and began singing along to “In Between Days” when it started, however, the singing was more like slurring the words together. Even when the song was over, he continued signing and nodding his head along to the music that had stopped several seconds ago. Josh had turned the computer speakers so he could just listen to Tyler singing.

Two minutes later, Tyler had stopped singing because he heard David Bowie’s “Let’s Dance” start playing. His face broke out into a wide smile. He threw the blanket off of his lap and got to his feet and started dancing along to the song, his red plastic cup with a bit of wine still in his hand. Josh remained on the couch and laughed as Tyler sloppily swayed and hopped around the living room. When the song had stopped playing in the documentary, Tyler frowned. But he quickly went over to the computer, paused the show and looked up something on his phone with eagerness as he quickly scrolled through something.

“Rebel Rebel” started playing through the phone’s speaker. Tyler placed the phone down on the table and started dancing and slurring along to the song. Josh only watched and continued laughing as his friend made his way around his apartment, tripping over his own feet. It was weird to see this side of someone again. Josh hasn’t been as close to anyone since Tyler went missing, and as he watched his friend bounce around, almost spilling red wine everywhere several times, he can’t remember the last time he laughed this much.

The familiar sound of waves crashing on a beach and guitar strums filled the room. Josh and Tyler locked eyes and smiled as they registered the song now playing was “Champagne Supernova” by Oasis. Tyler walked over to Josh and held his hand out for Josh to take, like they were at some dance in high school. Josh giggled and took Tyler’s hand and stood up. Tyler lead Josh to an open area and wrapped his arms around Josh’s neck, Josh wrapping his arms around the other’s waist, locking his finger together and resting his palms of Tyler’s lower back. The two began to sway in time with the music, Tyler a little wobblier on his feet than Josh was. Josh smiled as he watched Tyler loosely rock from side to side, his hands pulling Tyler a little bit closer towards him each time so he wouldn’t topple over.

Tyler closes his eyes and rests his head on Josh’s shoulder. Josh could hear as Tyler whispered along to the words of the song, making Josh only smile more. “Can I tell you a secret Josh?” Tyler whispered after a little while of whisper singing.

Josh nodded his head, resting it on top of Tyler’s head.

“I think I’m falling in love with you.” Tyler mumbles, turning his head and pressing his forehead against Josh’s shoulder. “And that scares me. It scares me so much.”

Josh frowned a bit and bit his lip. “Why does that scare you?” Josh whispered into Tyler’s ear.

“Because the last time I fell in love, I was selfish. I hurt the people who cared about me the most.” Tyler’s voice was soft and brittle, filled with worry.

“I’m sure you’ve learned to not be selfish like you used to be.” Josh reassured, gently running his fingers up and down Tyler’s spine.

Josh felt Tyler’s chest puff up against his own, indicating that he was laughing. “I haven’t. I never will.” Tyler sighs and pulls Josh closer to him by his neck. “I think that’s what scares me the most.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK so I hate to say this but I am getting close to the end of this. I will probably have two, three, or maybe (but not likely) four chapters left to write and post. I really do love all the feedback I have gotten for this!! I appreciate everyone who has been reading this and everyone who will read it. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Except this time, it only felt a lot worse. Josh wasn’t sure if it felt worse because he was used to the idea of Tyler always being around and there or if because he was in love with Tyler again.

The morning light filtered through the closed curtains in the living room, the light shining right into Josh’s face. Slowly waking up to the morning sun, Josh rolled onto his back so the beams of light were not right in his eyes. Josh rubbed his face and sat up, propping himself up with his elbow slightly behind him. Taking in his surroundings, Josh fully realizes that he fell asleep in the living room last night. A smile spreads across his face when the memories of last night come flooding back to him. Josh picks his phone from up off the table and looks at the time: 9:17 am.

It soon occurs to Josh that Tyler isn’t asleep on the other couch like he remembers him being right before he fell asleep himself just hours earlier. Josh stands up groggily and finds his way to his own bedroom. To his surprise, the bed is left unmade just as he left it the previous morning. Scratching his head, Josh goes to the bathroom and knocks on the door gently. “Ty?” He calls out, but there is no answer.

Josh goes back to his phone that was left on the table in the living room to see if there are any messages, which there are none. Josh furrows his brow and start thinking hard about the early morning hours. Did he actually see Tyler asleep on the couch, or did he drink a bit more than he realized and he just imagined Tyler there? A bright yellow sticky note stuck to the coffee maker catches Josh’s eye. He makes his way over to the freshly made full pot of coffee and peels the note off.

_Thanks for the wine and a place to crash until I was sober enough to get home._

_-T_

Josh smirks a bit before retrieving a mug from the cupboard and pouring himself some coffee. Once the coffee is poured and Josh is comfortable in a chair by his laptop, he taps out a message to Tyler, reading it once or twice over before hitting send.

Josh: _Hey. I hope you got home safely._   

*

The sun begins setting before Josh even realizes that it’s been hours since he poured that first cup of coffee this morning. He looks down at the clock on his computer and sees that it’s almost 7:00. He had wasted the entire day on his computer doing mindless crap. Josh sighs and checks his texts messages. He has none.

Biting his lip, Josh tries not to worry himself since there was no message back from Tyler. ‘He’s fine.’ Josh thinks to himself, staring at the messages they have sent back and forth from one another. ‘He probably just passed out and hasn’t woken up yet’. Just to be safe, Josh types one more message to Tyler and hits send.

Josh: _Text me back when you see this. I’m a little worried._

*

Days pass, then weeks pass too. Josh wasn’t too sure what had happened to Tyler, but every time he thought about it he would tell himself that he was fine and to not worry about him. Tyler is an adult now, Josh knew that, he didn’t need someone worrying about him. However, this didn’t stop Josh from worrying.

Josh tried everything. He has texted Tyler, called him and even went to his house. But every time he sent a text, no answer. Every time he called, it went to voicemail. Every time Josh stopped by Tyler’s apartment unannounced, there was no answer.

Josh found himself lying in bed one night almost a month after Josh had last heard from Tyler. Josh was scrolling through their text messages.

Josh: _Where are you? Haven’t heard from you since you left the other night. I’m trying not to worry._

Josh: _Tyler, are you alright? Please answer me. Still trying not to worry._

Josh: _Are you mad at me? Did I do something?_

Josh: _Tyler…_

Josh: _Okay, I think I’m picking up on the hint. I’m sorry for bothering you._

Josh sighed, shutting the screen of his phone off and rolling over onto his side. Even though there was no word from Tyler, Josh still thought about him almost every moment, just like when he vanished after high school. Except this time, it only felt a lot worse. Josh wasn’t sure if it felt worse because he was used to the idea of Tyler always being around and there or if because he was in love with Tyler again.

Josh pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and let out a frustrated cry. Why was he crying? He didn’t need to be crying. Tyler is an adult now. He has his own life. Josh has to understand that Tyler might not want him in his life, even though Josh was lead to believe that. It isn’t fair that Tyler can leave without a word said about anything and he just left Josh all alone to wonder what went wrong. Everything seemed great. Seemed.

Josh pulled his hands away from his eyes and grabbed his phone. He wasn’t going to let Tyler slip away like he did ten years ago. He couldn’t. He wanted closure. He needed answers.

*

Just a few hours ago, Josh was lying in bed, wondering where Tyler had run off to. Now, Josh found himself sitting by the bar where he and Tyler sat just some time ago, right before Tyler punched the singer from the band who stole his song. Josh feels the rush of adrenaline he felt when they ran away from the club after that pump through his body, like maybe it will happen again tonight.

Tyler and Ashley were preforming their songs up on the stage. Josh stayed in his place at the back of the bar, hoping Tyler wouldn’t see him from back here. The set was longer than Josh remembered, and a lot of the songs were unfamiliar to him, but he enjoyed them. He tried to focus on the songs and not stare at Tyler the entire time while his mind raced with a million questions.

The set ended abruptly. The two got off the stage and talked in the corner near the stage for some time. Josh waited until the venue cleared out a bit before he started making his way over to Tyler. When Josh was just a couple feet away from Tyler and Ashley, a young looking girl with blonde hair comes from the back of the room and wraps her arms around Tyler’s neck.

Josh feels his heart jump into his throat when he watches Tyler smile and wrap his arms around the girl’s waist, just as Josh had done the night they danced in his living room. Tyler kisses the side of the girl’s head and Josh tastes metal in his mouth.

Josh stood there with his mouth agape, staring at the two people embracing in front of him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ashley look in his direction and her face just fell. Josh made eye contact with Ashley bites her lip and pokes Tyler in the side. Tyler retracts from the girl and looks at Ashley, who is pointing in Josh’s direction. Tyler follows where Ashley is pointing and looks into Josh’s eyes.

Josh smiles uncomfortably and titters a bit. “I’m just going to…” Josh points over his shoulder towards the door and turns around, heading out of the venue.

Josh quickly made his way down the street away from the venue. He heard someone running up after him, but he didn’t turn around to look back. “Hey,” Josh heard Tyler call out from behind him. “Wait up.”

Josh furiously wiped at his eyes and sucked in a deep breath before turning his head back a bit to look at Tyler. “Can I help you with something?” Josh snaps, turning back around facing ahead of him.

“Look, I’m sorry about—“ Tyler begins, but Josh jumps in in the middle of his sentence.

“You’re so sorry that you ignore me for a month and find another person to fuck?” Josh asks, trying his hardest not to look at Tyler.

“No—Josh, seriously.” Tyler grabbed Josh’s bicep and turned him around to look at him.

“Who was that girl?” Josh asked, looking into Tyler’s eyes.

Tyler sighed and rubbed his face. “Just a girl I’ve been seeing.”

Josh scoffs and shakes his head. “A girl you’ve been seeing? What about us?”

“We were never official, Josh.” Tyler states, folding his arms across his chest.

Josh gapes and shakes his head a little bit, not sure what to say next. Tyler sighs again and looks down at the ground. “Josh, look. I just need…” Tyler looks back up at Josh and bites his lip.

“What do you need Tyler?” Josh barks, staring into Tyler’s eyes. “Just tell me what you need, and I will give it to you.”

“I need you to stay out of my life!” Tyler screams, his fists balled by his sides. “I need you to go and live your life. Find someone to fall in love with and marry and have a family with. I need you to let go of me.”

Josh frowns, averting his eyes from Tyler’s and taking a slight step away from Tyler. “I want you.” Josh murmurs. “I fell in love with you.”

Tyler bites his lower lip and shakes his head. “Find someone else.” Tyler whispers before turning around and leaving Josh behind, not looking back once. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh had wished he didn’t find Tyler. Josh wanted to just reach inside of his brain and remove any thoughts or memories he had of Tyler over the last couple of weeks.

After the incident Josh had with Tyler outside the bar the other night, Josh had stayed inside of his apartment. Although the city was big, he feared he’d run into Tyler and he didn’t want to see him, it would only make the healing process harder. The best way to get over someone is to act like they do not exist and that they mean nothing to you. Josh ignored any texts or phone calls from his family, he also didn’t answer emails from his boss, setting him up with bands he needed to go check out. Josh knew that he shouldn’t be doing that, but he did it anyway. He just needed to be alone.

Josh had wished he didn’t find Tyler. Josh wanted to just reach inside of his brain and remove any thoughts or memories he had of Tyler over the last couple of weeks. He hated himself for going to see his band preform two more times than he needed to so he could figure out that the keyboardist was Tyler. Josh’s life could be so much different. He could be watching a band play right now, ready to go home and write a review on them. He could be on a date with someone he met at a club while he was watching a band. He could be out doing anything other than laying in his bed mindlessly scrolling through Facebook for the hundredth time today.

Even though thought about doing all these things, Josh knew that he could easily get out of bed, shower, and then head out to go see that band he needed to review. There was nothing _really_ stopping him from doing so. He just wanted to avoid the very slim possibility of seeing Tyler on the street with his girlfriend doing all the things Josh wished he could be doing with Tyler.

There was a loud banging on the door to Josh’s apartment. Josh ignored it, though. He wasn’t entirely sure who it could be, but he knew one thing: he didn’t want to speak to them. The banging continued, and it go harder and harder for Josh to ignore it, but he pressed on. He threw a pillow over his head, and put on some music, hoping to drown the sound out.

“Josh, open up this door!” A woman’s voice boomed. The voice was familiar but Josh was unable to put a face to the voice. “I’m not going to stop knocking until you answer.

Josh sighed, knowing he was fighting a losing battle. He got up from his bed and walked over to the door. When the door was opened, Ashley, Tyler’s bandmate, stood there, her fists balled ready to pound on the door again.

“What are you doing here?” Josh hissed as he turned around and walked towards the living room.

Ashley let herself in, shutting the door behind her. “You have to talk to Tyler.” She says.

Josh scoffs, shaking his head. “Not a chance in hell.”

“Please, Josh? He needs you.” Ashley continued, walking in further to the apartment.

“How did you even get in here? You have to buzz in and have someone let you in.” Josh asked bewildered.

“I rang every buzzer until someone willingly let me in. Stop trying to change the subject!” Ashley nearly screamed. “Tyler is a mess without you.”

Josh laughs at this. “Really? Last time I recalled, he was the one who yelled at me. He wanted me out of his life. He told me to stay away from him.”

“He says things he doesn’t mean a lot of the time.” Ashley argues. “

“What about me?” Josh barks. “I’m the one he yelled at, telling me to leave him alone. Why doesn’t he come here and talk to me himself if he needs me so bad?”

“He does need you, he just doesn’t fully realize it. “

Josh rolls his eyes and turns towards his bedroom, ready to hide back under the sheets. “He has that new girlfriend. He doesn’t need me.”

“They broke up I guess.” Ashley states, her hands flopping to her sides like she’s defeated.

Josh bites his lip a little when he hears they broke up. “Why?”

“I don’t know the whole story; he won’t talk to me about it.” Ashley explains, making her way over to the couch and sitting on it. “I know he needs you though.”

“How do you know that?” Josh questions, folding his arms across his chest and leaning against the door frame.

“He just mopes around a lot of the time.” Ashley answered, her hands flailing wildly as she speaks. “He gets out and does things but he is miserable doing it.”

“He just broke up with his girlfriend, or whatever she was.” Josh presses on. He’s trying not to let his anger get the better of him at this point. “Of course he’s going to be upset and mopey.”

Ashley shakes her head simply. “He played an Oasis song during a show the other night and he looked really hurt. I know that you guys’ thing.”

Josh looked down and thought for a minute. Maybe Tyler really did need Josh. Why else would he be upset while playing Oasis? Josh sighs and rubs his face with his hands. He can’t let Tyler treat him like shit and then just get away with it. Josh isn’t going to talk to Tyler. He can’t let him back into his life after he has let Tyler hurt him selfishly hurt him twice now.

All Josh does is sighs and shakes his head slightly at Ashely, fighting back the tears. Ashley sighs as well and nods her head as she stands to her feet, her eyes locked on the ground. “I’m going to talk to Tyler. If I found out what happened with him and why he was so angry at you, will you consider letting him back into your life?”

Josh thinks for a moment, his mouth slightly agape. “I-I don’t know…” His voice trails off.

Ashley bites her lip. “I get it if you don’t want to. He’s hurt you. But I know he _needs_ you, Josh. Just… think about giving him one last shot at proving what you mean to him?”

Josh flattens his lips into a thin line. He knows his brain doesn’t want to give Tyler any more chance, he’s already gotten two, why should he get a third, especially after the way he treated him that night after the show? However, Josh knows his heart will give Tyler every chance in the world to prove himself. All Josh does is nod his head the slightest bit at Ashley.

*

The days go by and Josh doesn’t hear anything from either Tyler or Ashley. As the days turn into weeks, Josh has decided all on his own that Ashley didn’t know what she was talking about. Tyler didn’t need Josh for anything.

Josh eventually realizes that he can’t live his life waiting around for Tyler to be ready to talk to Josh because that day may never come. Josh continues doing the things he did before Tyler was found: working, jogging, talking to his family. He didn’t need Tyler. Although a little piece of Josh knew that if Tyler were to call Josh one day, Josh would forgive him. Josh will always forgive Tyler.

Josh fought with his pocket to get the apartment key out with one hand while the other hand held a large paper bag filled with groceries. Josh finally pulled the key out of his pocket and was just steps away from his apartment door. He looked up from where he looked as he struggled to get the keys from his pocket, and he stopped dead in his tracks. His stomach turned and he had to suppress some words he’d regret saying.

After a moment of staring, Josh finally finds the words to speak. “You can’t keep popping in and out of my life.”

Tyler looks up from the holes he was staring into the floor to see Josh standing just a few feet ahead of him with a bag of groceries on his hip. Josh could see in the dim hallway lights that Tyler’s eyes were puffy and ringed red. “I’m sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second to the last chapter! I'm sad to see this coming to an end, but I am excited to say that I do have a plan for a sequel. Although the sequel will only be one chapter, it will probably explain some questions everyone will have after the last chapter. It will also leave the whole fic on a bit of a lighter note. I am really excited to see everyone's reactions to the last chapter and the sequel. 
> 
> Also, this fic has over 100 kudos and more than 1.1k hits!! This is really exciting to me because I always feel very self conscious of what I write, but seeing all these people giving me kudos and reading and commenting on my stuff really is a confidence boost! So thank you so much to those who have been reading this fic since I put up the first chapter and have been patient with me and my sporadic updating, and thanks to the people in the future who will read and kudos and comment on this work. I really do appreciate all the feedback i get!!
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed this chapter!! :D


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ashley came by here a few weeks ago,” Josh continued, taking a few steps in Tyler’s direction. “Did you know that?”
> 
> “I-I didn’t know that. What did she say?” Tyler questioned, his eyes still focused on the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe this is actually the last chapter. Sorry for the longer than usual wait, I just moved back into college and was busy all weekend.
> 
> I just want to thank everyone for reading this before it begins. It really means a lot to me!!

**After a moment of staring, Josh finally finds the words to speak. “You can’t keep popping in and out of my life.”**

**Tyler looks up from the holes he was staring into the floor to see Josh standing just a few feet ahead of him with a bag of groceries on his hip. Josh could see in the dim hallway lights that Tyler’s eyes were puffy and ringed red. “I’m sorry.”**

* * *

 

Josh bites his lower lip hard, suppressing the mixed feelings he was having in his stomach: anger, fear, happiness, regret. Josh can’t forgive Tyler. He won’t. He isn’t going to let Tyler keep being Josh’s friend or boyfriend or whatever they were whenever Tyler feels like it. It’s not fair to Josh. He wants to find someone who will always be there for him, not someone who will be there for a couple weeks and then go missing without a word when they want nothing to do with him.

Shaking his head, Josh walks past Tyler and towards the apartment door, trying to put the key in the lock with his shaky hands. Josh saw Tyler stand up quick out of the corner of his eyes, but he dared himself not to look. ‘Just ignore him’ Josh thought to himself.

“Josh,” Tyler squeaked out. “Please talk to me.”

Josh shook his head. Then key slipped into the lock and Josh turned. He pushed the door open and was about to walk inside when Tyler quickly jumped in front of Josh’s path. Josh sighed and rolled his eyes, taking a step back from Tyler.

“You can’t go in until you talk to me.” Tyler demanded, looking right into Josh’s eyes.

“I’m not talking to you.” Josh stated simply.

“Why not?” Tyler pressed on. Josh could hear his voice slightly quaver.

“You had your chance to make your amends with me and leave me alone once and for all, but you blew it.” Josh hissed. “You’re not getting another chance.”

Tyler frowned, biting his lip and looking at the ground. “Please, Josh. I’m begging you to just talk to me.”

Josh ignored his request. Josh could feel himself slowly slipping into Tyler’s trap. He knew he wouldn’t be able to act like a dick to Tyler for much longer. “I can call the landlord to have you escorted out if you’d rather that.” Josh spits, looking past Tyler into his own apartment.

Tyler’s lips parted slightly and his eyes grew wide, Josh knew that he finally realized that Josh was done. Tyler nodded his head the slightest bit and began walking away down the hall, his head turned to the floor. Josh watched as Tyler seemed to drag his own body down the long apartment hallways towards the exit. As Josh watched, he felt bad for Tyler. He knew he shouldn’t, but he did.

Tyler, although he would ignore Josh for weeks and weeks without any explanation, he was Josh’s best friend. Even when he was missing for all those years, Josh still referred to Tyler as his best friend. Josh knew he was never going to have another friend like Tyler. Yes, Tyler could be strange and apparently a little temperamental, Josh wanted Tyler to be his best friend again, or maybe even more. All Josh knew was that he felt like he was letting Tyler slip through his fingers while he had him in the palm of his hand.

“Hey,” Josh calls out. Tyler is more than half way down the hallway to the elevator. He stops in his tracks and turns to look back at Josh. Josh waved a hand towards Tyler, beckoning him to come back to Josh.

Tyler quickly made his way back over to where Josh stood. He furiously rubbed and wiped at his eyes and face as he approached Josh. Once Tyler was a few steps away, Josh could tell he was crying, or at least welling up. Josh waved his hand one more time as he walked into the apartment, allowing Tyler to follow him inside.

Inside, Josh lead Tyler to the kitchen where he started a pot of coffee and Tyler stood quietly on the opposite side of the kitchen to Josh. “Why did you tell me those things?” Josh asked, turning to face Tyler.

Tyler shook his head and sucked in a deep breath. “I don’t know…”

“I know you know but you just won’t tell me.” Josh says. Tyler doesn’t answer him; he just keeps his eyes trained on the ground. “Ashley came by here a few weeks ago,” Josh continued, taking a few steps in Tyler’s direction. “Did you know that?”

“I-I didn’t know that. What did she say?” Tyler questioned, his eyes still focused on the ground.

“She told me that you and that girl broke up.” Josh saw Tyler visibly cringe when the words left his mouth, and Josh only felt a little bad about that. “She also told me you needed me.” Josh spoke after several long moments of silence.

Tyler’s face lost a bit of color, but he didn’t meet Josh’s eye at all. “That’s not true.”

“Then why would she say that to me?” Josh asked, folding his arms across his chest. “She wouldn’t just say that to say it. There has to be a reason behind it.”

Tyler shakes his head side to side. “It’s not true.” He repeats.

Josh rolled his eyes. “Look at me and tell me that.” Josh demands.

Tyler bites his lip and tilts his head up. His eyes are ringed red and he is holding tears back and Josh has to stiffen every muscle in his body to refrain from hugging the sadness out of him. “I told her that in confidentiality.” Tyler sniffed, his voice low.

“So it’s true?”

Tyler hesitates but nods his head eventually. “I didn’t want you to know that.” He mumbles.

“Why did you not want me to know that?” Josh turned to the beeping coffee pot and poured the liquid into two different mugs.

Tyler shrugged his shoulder a bit and took the mug from Josh’s hands when he approached him. “I didn’t want you to know that I need you. I missed you so much while I was away.”

“Then why did you tell me to stay away from you and get out of your life?” Josh brought the mug to his lips and sipped the dark coffee. “That hurt, you know.”

“I know,” Tyler admitted, staring into his coffee. “I don’t want to fall in love with you.”

Josh furrowed his eyebrows and looked in Tyler’s direction. “And why is that?”

Tyler continued staring into his coffee, not answering Josh’s question. The question hung in the air for several minutes. Josh wanted to speak so the awkwardness would leave, but he kept himself from doing so, he needed to hear Tyler’s answer.

Finally, Tyler resumed. “Part of the reason I ran away in the first place was to keep myself from falling in love with you because I wouldn’t allow myself to be gay. I knew that wasn’t what my parents would want and I didn’t want to disappoint them. I couldn’t. But when we reconnected a few months ago, I was finally content with who I was as a person and my sexuality, so I thought falling in love with you wouldn’t be a problem.” Tyler snickers, closing his eyes and shaking his head slightly. “I was so wrong.”

“Why were you wrong? Everything seemed to be fine.” Josh postulates, placing his mug down by his side so he could give his full attention to Tyler.

“It was fine, but that was kind of the problem.” Tyler stated, trying so hard to avoid eye contact with Josh by having his eyes look at everything that wasn’t around Josh.

Josh shook his head slowly, trying to understand what Tyler meant. He was determined.

Tyler sighs again and puts his mug down as well. He looks directly into Josh’s eyes for the first time since he came into Josh’s apartment. “I lived most of my life by things not being fine or being simple. My life for the last ten years has been nothing but hectic and stressful and struggles. I enjoyed that, it made me feel like I was doing well in life because I would have problems and I’d figure them out. That was my purpose.” Tyler stops speaking for a minute to gaze at Josh. Although his eyes were still red ringed and watery, the indoor lights were hitting them just right so they were glistening. Millions of stars that hid behind Tyler’s eyes were showing through and Josh wanted to get lost in them.

“But, when we met back up, life started getting fine.” Tyler continued. “Life was getting consistent and simple and everything was fine. But I didn’t want that. I wanted that feeling of pressure to make something good out of the bad situation at hand. I wanted to live that messy and inconsistent life style that you didn’t provide.”

“Should I be offended by that?” Josh interrupted, half smiling.

Tyler smirked and shook his head. “No, because that kind of lifestyle is perfect for someone who enjoys that. I don’t.”

Josh frowned and bit his lip. “So do you not want to be with me because I live that simple life?”

“It’s not that I don’t, because believe me I do, but I don’t know how to live a life like that.” Tyler explained, turning his mug around in circles.  “That’s why I started dating Jenna.”

Josh nodded. “That girl at the bar?”

Tyler nodded his hedad too. “Yup. She lived just like me: letting life hand her a problem and she had to fix it. She lived every day differently and she never had a dull moment.”

“What happened?”

Tyler frowned and shook his head a little. “She cheated on me. And that’s when I started thinking about us and really needing to be with you but I couldn’t live that simple, fine lifestyle.”

“I can help you.” Josh stated, stepping towards Tyler.

Tyler looked up, meeting Josh’s eye. He smiled and shook his head. “It won’t be easy.”

“I’m up for the challenge.” Josh retorted. “I am going to take this bad situation and make it into something good.” Josh smiled.

Tyler smiled as well and looked to the ground. “Are you sure you want to be with me?”

Josh nodded.

“You won’t cheat on me?”

Josh nodded again. “You won’t yell at me and tell me to stay away from you again?” Josh joked.

Tyler nodded his head, giggling a little bit. “I promise.” Tyler held his pinky finger up for Josh to wrap his around.

Smiling, Josh does so and the pulls Tyler in for a hug. Tyler wraps his arms around Josh’s waist and rests his head on his shoulder. “When I was in Boston,” Tyler mumbles into Josh’s shoulders. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

Josh felt his face grow a shade of red, luckily Tyler couldn’t see. “Why?”

“Because I knew you’d love it.” Tyler sighs and squeezes Josh. “We’ll go together some day.”

*

Tyler slept there at Josh’s apartment that night. The two spent the whole night lying awake and laughing at each other’s stories and enjoying each other’s company. Josh couldn’t believe that Tyler had actually been there. He thought he was never going to see him again.

The morning came too soon for Josh. He woke up facing away from the side Tyler fell asleep, but he didn’t feel his presence there. Josh, fearing the worst, slowly rolled onto his other side to see if Tyler ditched again. Relief washed over Josh when he saw Tyler sitting on the very edge of the bed facing away from Josh.

Josh took a moment to observe him. He was shirtless as he was before he fell asleep last night. He sat hunched over, his elbows resting on his knees. Josh could see almost every vertebra in Tyler’s back sticking out and stretching the skin. The morning light that poured in from the window from the side of the room the two boys faced away from hit Tyler’s back, casting small shadows of his vertebra. His hair was beyond messy and Josh just wanted to run his fingers through it and pull on it. Josh wasn’t sure how he managed to keep someone like Tyler in his life.

An image of the photo of the two boys at the Oasis concert flashed in Josh’s mind. Although they were both older, Josh still had those middle school butterflies in his stomach when he looked at Tyler. Josh knew the two of them would never be able to go back to that day at the Oasis show, but he was determined to make every day they spent together feel just like that day so many years ago, before everything happened.

Josh was startled when he heard Tyler take a deep breath and then hearing his fingernail tap against the screen on his phone he didn’t even realize Tyler was holding. Tyler brought the phone up to his ear and Josh wondered who Tyler would be calling this early in the morning. Ashley maybe to tell him where he was?

Josh heard the other line pick up and woman’s voice speak something.

“Hey mom,” Tyler breathed, his voice shaking. “It’s me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much for reading this! I have never been so proud of something I had written like I am of this. This was so much fun to write and I always looked forward to seeing everyone's reactions to the new chapters, and I am truly going to miss reading everyone's comments. Thank you all so much for supporting this story.
> 
> There will be a single chapter sequel/epilogue kind of thing, so be on the look out for that in the next few weeks!!
> 
> Thank you again for reading and commenting and giving me kudos! It would also mean a lot to me if you checked out my other writings. 
> 
> I really do appreciate it all. I will miss this story so much. Thank you one last time. I hope to see people who read this story commenting on my other ones, but if I do not, stay alive |-/

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I love getting feedback so it would be greatly appreciated!


End file.
